Page 65 of Misery and Ecstasy

“I still don’t know how safe it is for me to know certainthingsabout you, Draven. I don’t even know if I actually know things that I think I know.”

Lying flat on her back again, she looks away from me and sighs deeply.

“What do you think you know?” I fight to clear the concern lodged in my throat.

“Jesus, what am I getting myself into?” I think she’s asking me, but before I can respond she continues talking as though looking for answers in the ceiling. “How can they expect me to learn things about them and not come to my own conclusions? Or at least require certain explanations from them from time to time?”

I look from her to the ceiling then back.

“Who you talking to there, Doc?”

“No one.” With exasperation in her voice, she continues. “But taking the two different situations we’re in and pulling them apart for a second reveals a problem.”

I decide the only way to get any answers from her is to play along. So that’s what I do.

“What are the two situations?”

She holds one hand out, explaining it to me. “You and I, casually sleeping together and getting to know one another.” Then she does the same with her other hand. “You as a member of a scary-ass MC and me the reluctant therapist who is afraid to ask questions about that part of your life because I don’t want to die.”

Oh.

“Okay. Well, first of all, as I told you before, you’ve never been in any actual danger with the club. We would have figured it out early on if you couldn’t be trusted and dealt with you then. But even if that happened, we wouldn’t have just killed you.”

“What the hellwouldyou have done?”

“I don’t know… Probably just threatened you bad enough to keep you quiet.”

Scoffing, she rolls her eyes at me, but I ignore her.

“Secondly, I’ve already told Royce and the others that you’re under my protection?—”

“Wait, what?” This time she sits up, holding the blankets against her. Her eyes are wide as saucers as I join her and rest my back against the pillows. “Explain, please.”

Taking a deep breath, I tell her about the argument I got into with Royce yesterday.

“Hesawme? And everyone knows we’re sleeping together?” The color drains from her face, and she shields it from me with her comforter. “Ohgod.”

With her face still hidden, she falls over onto her side. I tug the blankets away from her and straighten her body out, laying mine overtop of hers.

“Kins… Look at me.” I place each of my palms at the sides of her face, running my thumbs over her cheeks until she relaxes a little. “It’s not the end of the world. We’re adults. This is what adults do. Now, can you please tell me what you were trying to say a minute ago?”

This time she blurts out what she couldn’t before, as though the blow she took learning about getting caught by Royce stole every bit of strength she had to keep the information inside.

“I think you might have had something to do with the disappearance of Delilah’s father. But I also think that makes you a hero, not a bad guy.”

Now I’m the one overcome with shock. There was a part of me that wondered how much the doc would figure out about us from her sessions with Delilah and Harleigh. She’s very smart. But hearing the words come out of her mouth, even ascomplimentaryas they are, is like getting cold water thrown on me.

“Please don’t kill me.” She interrupts my freak out with a look of pure terror on her face.

“What? I’m… I’m not going to kill you.” I laugh humorlessly. “I wasn't lying when I said you were safe with me. It’s just … hard to hear you refer to me as a killer and a hero in the same sentence.”

“S-so … heisdead, then?” Her voice comes out in barely a whisper.

Dropping my head onto her chest, I think of the potential consequences of telling her the truth. I could lose her for good. But I don’t want to lie to her either.

“If I say yes, what will that mean for us?” I gingerly kiss her sternum, as though it could be the last time I get to do so.

“It wouldn’t change anything.” Slowly, I lift my head, wondering if I heard her correctly. “Delilah didn’t give you guys up. It’s like I somehow knew the truth all along, but I’ve always been too scared to let on that I did. Again, I didn’t want to give any of you a reason to have to kill me.”

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