Page 97 of Misery and Ecstasy

My body goes numb. The bed is no longer beneath me. The building around me evaporates into nothingness. I’m floating in deep space with no hope of ever returning home again.

Every ounce of kick thiscancer’s assI just had vanishes.

“We’re recommending you for chemo and radiation treatments at the Evergreen Cancer Center in Gettysburg.”

Dr. Reeves peers at me, waiting for a response I’m incapable of giving.

“Why, though? What’s keeping you from operating on it?” Draven finds his voice before I do.

“Based on the results, we didn’t find a clear separation between the healthy tissue and unhealthy tissue. Due to the location of the tumor, surgery could cause a huge loss of important functions such as speech and vision. It’s too risky.”

When neither of us speak for a long time, Dr. Reeves tells us she’ll fill out my release paperwork so I can leave. “I’ll include my business card in your discharge packet in case you think of any additional questions. Good luck to you both.”

“I’ll walk you out.” Draven rises from the bed.

My eyes follow them until they’re out of my line of sight. I expect Draven to come back immediately, but instead, I hear him talking to Dr. Reeves. They speak softly—I can only presume so Draven can try to keep what he’s about to learn from me—but I hear every terrifying word.

“In what world is trying to cure someone riskier than just letting them die?”

“Draven, you need to understand that whether we operate or not, she doesn't have much time.”

“What kind of prognosis are we looking at?”

“The average patient survives for approximately fifteen months with treatment. Without… It’s a lot less. But if we go in there to try to remove it, she runs the risk of spending whatever time she has left in a vegetative state.”

IfDraven replies, I don’t hear it. Out loud or internally, he’s probably questioning whether or not that would be so bad. He wants me to live, no matter the cost.

But living isn’t living if I can’t move, walk, talk…

“In addition to getting her started on chemo and radiation, the only advice I have is to get her affairs in order now, while she still has the cognizance to do so.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

DRAVEN

Kins and I are cuddled with one another on the couch in the living room of the clubhouse.

She’s been staying here with round the clock care from myself as well as the rest of my—our—family. Activity in the house is calmer than it usually is, quieter than it usually is.

“I hate this.” McKinsey lifts her head from my chest and whispers softly so Harleigh can’t hear her as she refills her water.

“Can I get you anything else right now, McK?” The girls have all taken to calling her by the nickname they hear Olivia use with her.

No more doctor. No more formality. We’re family now. Though the guys still affectionately refer to her as Doc Caraway.

“No, thank you, Harleigh.” Kins smiles, but I know she’d much prefer telling her to go do somethingmore usefulwith her time.

“I have to take care of a few things, but text me if there is anything else I can do for you.” Harleigh returns her smile before placing the water back in the fridge and exiting the kitchen through the French doors.

“Draven, please make them stop.” The whine coming from McKinsey is pitiful. “I can’t stand people waiting on or fussing over me.”

“They wouldn’t do it if they didn’t want to, Kins.” I catch the tear that falls from her eye before it coats her cheek. “Hey, come on now…”

Her warm eyes well up with more tears.

“I’m so sorry, Draven. I never wanted this. I hate that you’re having to take care of me. That I’m yet another burden you’re forced to endure.”

“Kins… You are none of those things.” Taking her face gently in my hands, I force her to look at me. “I’ll take care of you for however long we’re able to walk this earth, no matter how long that is. And not because I feel like I have to, but because I genuinely want to.”

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