Page 28 of Misery and Ecstasy

He swallows thickly. “Royce, even before she took a turn for the worse, I wasn’t in a good place. I haven’t been in a good place for a long fucking time. Since before you and I ever met. I’d just learned how to survive that way.”

He blinks, lips twisting with confusion, but he doesn’t say anything.

“Look, I know I fucked up. It’s not something I’m proud of. I like being the cool, calm, collected guy. I wasn’t perfect, but I was content with who I was. Right now, I don’t know who I am anymore.”

He lifts his hand and claps me on the top of my shoulder. Looking me straight in the eye, he nods.

“I’m glad you’re seeing the doc, then. I think she can help you.”

Fuck.

“I can’t go back to her.” I place one hand in the pocket of my jeans and run the other through my hair.

“What happened?” Royce tilts his head up as though readying himself for bad news. News like Doc Caraway learning a little more than she should have.

“Nothing bad. Nothing club related. She’s just … not the right fit. What kind of deal did you strike with Goddard anyway?”

“He, uh… He needed Firewall to take care of something for him.”

Firewall is our newest member. After all the shit went down with Delilah three years ago, we realized how badly we needed someone with vast tech and cyber experience in the club. We ran into him on a trip to the Northeast two years ago. He had just graduated from MIT and was in a bad spot with a loan shark. We’d crossed paths in a bar and got to talking about his black eye and fat lip.

And the interesting coding he was doing on his laptop…

So far, we haven’t run into one task he can’t perform. From upping the security around our compound to manipulating CCTV, private cameras, and other data we need messed with or created.

“So where do I fit into that?” If the sheriff needed help from Firewall, surely that should be enough to let me skip therapy.

Running my hand over my chin, I look back at the front porch and see everyone is gone but Delilah and Atticus.

“He suggested it as an additional bargaining chip. But both Delilah and I think it’s important for you to go.”

My fingers stop moving, and my widened eyes snap back to Royce’s. He’s got to be fucking joking.

“Are you serious right now?”

“Dead serious, man. Look, I know how much it sucks, but even I went when Delilah wanted me to. She was the one who brought it up, but don’t be mad at her. She cares about you and wants you to feel better. We both do.”

Wiping my hand down my face, I groan in displeasure.

“I’ll give you a week, tops. But seeing as how I haven’t even made it through one full session yet, I wouldn’t get my hopes up of this working out.”

I’m sure I can bullshit my way through a week of appointments with the doc. I think I can evade her questioning for an hour each day.

Maybe if I jerk off beforehand, it will be easier sitting in front of her without thinking about her in bed with her hand between her legs like I was doing this morning. Without wondering why she seemed relieved that I don’t have a romantic partner in my life but also troubled that I don’t want one.

She was probably just glad to know I wasn’t out here corrupting an innocent woman.

Whatever. There’s nothing saying I need to answer her questions truthfully. I’ll get through the next week for Royce’s—no, Delilah’s sake—then be done with it.

“I’ll take it. Maybe it will help, and maybe it won’t, but I appreciate you trying.”

Rolling my eyes, I purse my lips and nod.

“Now come finish your dinner. You haven’t eaten properly in at least a month. You need to keep up your strength.”

CHAPTER TEN

MCKINSEY

---