Page 23 of In the Light of Day

She smiles up at me, her eyes vulnerable but brave and I crowd around her, bringing her close. Holding onto her waist, I lift her, placing her so she's standing on the edge of my bed bringing us to eye level, allowing an even playing field.

“Nova.”

I breathe her name like it's my last breath and she leans into me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders, holding onto me like a lifeline. Her body is vibrating with the connection running between us and I rest my forehead against hers. Lust fills her gaze but this is a step she needs to take. I will not force this from her. To touch her lips, feel her tongue against mine ...taste her.It is a gift and when she's ready, she will come to me.

“Ace,” she pants, her lips barely moving as she looks at me. Her mouth is slightly ajar, her fingers digging into my back and I know she feels this thing we have. It’s not the first time I've thoughtthis could be the moment everything changes.

Her head tilts slightly, her lips so close to mine as we breathe each other in. Matching her movements I pull her tighter, every part of our bodies that can be touching, is.

I want her to give in to me.

I feel almost complete like this. That I'm worthy of her.

Her fingers run up the back of my head, pushing me forward so I can feel the heat of her body as it presses against mine. Our lips graze each other and I'm not sure if it's her or me doing it anymore. The tension between us,the need, is something I've never experienced as we sit on the threshold of something more. That is until the loud shrill of her phone ringing causes us to pull away and I can see the lust clear from her eyes, a pink blush spreading across her cheeks.

“I should get that, It's probably Lizzy.”

Her voice is husky, a reminder of how close we were only seconds ago. Pulling her back to me, I gently kiss her forehead, my hands circling her waist before rubbing her back as she sighs against me.

“Alright, my love,” I say, willing the tension in my jaw to ease so I don't pull her mouth to mine to feel the softness of her lips. “Tell Lizzy I say hi.”

Chapter 18 - Nova

“I'm so grateful you came, Nova. I know it was to keepMotherat bay, but I really appreciate it. She's so suffocating. We don't even want half of the things she's suggesting. She booked a horse, Nova, a horse! What the hell are we meant to do with a horse at cocktail hour?”

The strain in Lizzy's voice is evident as she explains how overbearing our mother has been. It's a weird thing to accept your place in a family as the black sheep, but it's more than that. She physically won't be in the same room as me, so when Lizzy saidMotherwas coming to stay with her for two months and it was a non-negotiable, I was happy to step in and be the reason that it couldn't happen.

I've been here almost a week and everything has run smoothly. No big outings, home-cooked meals and unlimited time with my sister. Phillip is here too but he just fades into the background. I wish Ace was here though. It's my first trip away without him and despite it being to see my sister, I feel grounded when he's with me. I still managed to accomplish it all with only one mild panic attack. Something that I spent alot of time in therapy to try and get on top of. Coping strategies, EMDR and meditation are just a few of the things that have left me feeling somewhat normal as I navigate day-to-day life. I'm barely triggered these days but I saw the same car that my uncle had while driving on the highway. It set me off for a short while but I managed to pull over and calm my breathing until it was just a blip in the background.

“I'm always happy to come and see you both,” I say, reaching across the kitchen island and holding onto her hand. “I’m glad we’re able to do this at all because ifshehad her way we never would've reconnected.”

Her eyes shine with unspilt tears and I know everything that happened affected Lizzy as well. It wasn't just me who was held captive all those years. Our experiences might have been different but we were both still trapped.

“I’ll never forgive her for that, you know. She knows not to push me on the topic but everything else is fair game as far as she's concerned. How she could ever think you would do that ... with him of all people. He groomed you, Nova. I’m so sorry I never did anything to stop him.” Her words are broken as the guilt she feels for something she had no control of, spills over.

“You were a kid Liz. We were so sheltered that someone else should have seen it. We weren't to know what he was doing and the havoc it would cause. That itdidcause. It's not your fault,” I say, closing the distance between us and wrapping her in a hug.

Lizzy and I are polar opposites in every way. She's tall, I’m short. My hair is light, while hers is black. Her confidence is unwavering, whereas mine is a performance I have mastered so well, that I sometimes forget it's merely a mask I wear for everyone else. Everyone else but Ace.

He seems to be this grounding force, and I'm so scared that if I act on these feelings with him, all the ways I'm still broken will push him away. Some days I want him so badly that I'm almost prepared to throw it all to the universe and just climb him like a ladder and kiss the hell out of him. But then, as usual, reality comes crashing down and my insecurities spill over.

I don’t know how to kiss, I don’t even know if I understand what kissing someone feels like. The only example of it was cruel and violent. And then there's every other thing I had to endure, waiting in the shadows ready to jump out when I least expect it. I don’t know if I will be triggered if I try something and I don’t know if it will change everything about our relationship. I’m unsure how to take the next step with him, without ruining everything, and to be honest, I'm not sure he even wants to.

I think he likes me?

He looks after me, dances with me when we’re being silly and makes me breakfast so he doesn't have to force himself through my cooking.

He is everything I want in a person, but also he's more. He's patient, he's protective ... he's kind. He lets me feel like a normal woman who hasn't been tainted by the evils that lurk out there. He lets me be unequivocally me, and I love him for that.

Chapter 19 - Nova

“Nova? Anybody home?”

Shaking my head out of the daydream I was in, I look at Lizzy standing in her seventh wedding dress of the day. She's been trying them on for hours looking for the perfect dress to walk down the aisle. Our mother has already advised her what dress she picked out and exactly what the expectation was for her hair and make-up, but that was never going to be an option. Lizzy showed me a picture of what she had picked and a cream gown with pearl beading and lace was not going to work. It looked like the entire decade of the 1980s vomited all over that dress, from the puffy sleeves to the overwhelming veil she'd paired with it.

The idea is to just letMotherdo whatever she needs to while Lizzy plans to swap things out on the day. She’s even gone to the trouble of being taught how to professionally style her hair and do her own make-up so she can send our mother away before the ceremony to greet the guests. It's all riding on a speech she has plannedthat it would be terrible for the mother of the bride not to greet the guests and check the venue.She's hoping to play on her emotions so she can at least marry Phillip looking like herself.

“Sorry, I was off in a daze. Ace has been away on this mission for two weeks and I've not heard from him. It's a little unusual, but it's happened before where he can't make contact. I just miss him is all,” I say, trying not to let my worry show.

---