Page 35 of In the Light of Day

“I think we should talk,” I say, trying to keep my tone neutral so as not to stir up any negative connotations. “Just about us moving forward, nothing to be worried about.”

Nodding her head in response, she places her hand over mine, “Let's eat and then we can figure out whatthislooks like.”

Picking up her plate, I take it to the small bistro table and pull out her chair as she takes a seat. We eat in relative silence, taking stolen glances at each other in between bites. When our plates are clear I waste no time in carrying them to the kitchen sink before returning to Nova, abruptly lifting her out of her chair, wrapping her legs around me as she rests her arms over my shoulders, laughing. Placing her on the poor excuse of a kitchen bench, I stand in between her legs, her smile relaxing me for the conversation we’re about to have.

“I want to look you in the eye when we discuss this.”

“Alright,” she chuckles, reaching out to stroke my shoulder as her gaze drops to my chest. I try to tense my muscles without being too obvious, liking that she's so blatantly checking me out.

“Can you put a T-shirt on then? There shouldn't be any distractions.”

“You're only asking me now,” I feign being shocked. “You didn't have a problem while we were eating?”

“Meh,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. “It was dinner and a show, who am I to say no to a bit of entertainment.”

I can't help but burst out laughing at our easy banter while I put my t-shirt on, relieved that nothing has changed between us, hoping that nothingwillchange after we talk.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” I repeat. Rubbing my hands up and down her thighs as I remain standing between them, feeling goosebumps start to form. “I’ll go first and then you can make any changes you need to.” she tilts her head to the side, a confused look on her face, waiting for me to start.

“I want you, love. My mind wants you. My body wants you. My cock wants you. If you say the word I’ll be buried so deep inside you, so often that you’ll miss me when I'm not there. But what Ineedfrom you, is to tell me what that looks like for us. I'm okay with any limit or boundary you set. You want to go back to cuddling on the couch, absolutely, we’ll start tonight. But if you want more, I need for you to be the one to ask for it. I will never push you on anything intimate,anything sexual. You’re in charge, always.”

Her stare is deep and focused. Every word I’ve just said, sinking in and shaping what we’ll look like. Briefly closing her eyes, she places her hands on top of mine, stopping the slow movement I was making.

“I want you too ... all of you,desperately. I trust you, Ace.” Sighing, she looks to the ceiling, a frown deepening on her brow. “The truth is I don’t know how it will be. I don't know if I'm going to freak out or be triggered. I've only been with ... him.” Tears well in her eyes, overflowing just as she says, “I think I might still be broken.”

For the first time in a long time, I see a glimpse of the vulnerable woman I met all those years ago and I'm so angry she has to navigate this. But she's not alone. Bringing my hand up to her face, I cup her cheeks, ensuring her focus is on me as I wipe away her tears.

“You’re not broken, love. You’re anything but,” I say, leaning forward and resting my forehead against hers. “However this looks for us moving forward is going to have parts we learn from and parts that exceed expectation. We can take it a day at a time if needed, planned or unplanned. However you need this to look, I will be here supporting those decisions. You're the strongest woman I know and the second most sassiest woman too.” Pulling back only slightly, smiling, watching her face light up as she understands my meaning.

Grinning at me, we both sayMartha, before chuckling at the sheer amount of times she wasn't backwards in coming forward. “Your Ma had a mouth on her. There was only that one time I was truly on the receiving end of it and I vowed to never let it happen again.”

“You did mow a line straight through her flower patch. What got you all distracted anyway? You never did tell me?” Her smile is bright as she looks at me, a fun memory for her as she laughed on the front porch while Martha ripped me a new one.

“The blinds to your bedroom weren't fully closed and you may have been getting changed. I got a flash of your skin against a hot pink bra and my mind just ... short-circuited.” I can see her cheeks begin to blush as I recount the story. “I didn't even know what had happened until Martha ran out of the house waving that wooden spoon at me.”

I was oblivious to what I had done because my brain short circuited, but back then, we were just friends. I wanted more from her, yes, but we weren’t there yet. She still needed time.We needed time.

“Did you want me back then?” she says quietly, still looking at me like she's trying to figure out a puzzle. Nodding in response, I'm too afraid to talk in case I say the wrong thing and break this spell we seem to be under.

“I wanted you too, back then I mean. How long have we been doing this dance between us, Ace? How long have both of us been too afraid to take a leap?” Her brow is furrowed as she looks at me, determination in her eyes.

“I've only been with one man. I'm not confident in what I can offer you ...sexually. But I would like to try.”

Taking a deep breath, I can see the strength she is trying to draw on before she continues, her voice only slightly wavering. “Please don't hold my head down or force me against anything unless I ask and we discuss it beforehand. Please don't restrain me, or hold my arms behind my back. Something else might appear the more we explore this so, um, just be mindful that it's a possibility.”

This is more than what I was expecting from her today and it's taking everything in me not to pull that man from the depths of hell and kill him over and over again.

“Thank you for telling me,” I say, taking a calming breath. “I would like to cuddle you like we usually do, maybe kiss you a bit more when we do, but other than that I’ll need you to take the reigns and talk to me about what you would like to try or not. I can guide you a little but if we start kissing and you want to take it further then you need to tell me, love.”

Her eyes search mine, looking for the deceit in my words but I know that she won't find it. She is my whole world and I will never try to manipulate her for my needs.

“I wish it was you ... my first, I wish it was you,” she says, bringing her hands to my shoulders and gently pulling me forward so I can feel the warmth of her breath against my lips.

“Well, then I have some good news for you. Iwillbe your first. He took from you, and the last time I checked that’s not the same as giving. So when you’re ready to give me anything, baby. I will be your first. I’ll be the first man to touch you. The first man to have you scream my name. The first man to taste that sweet pussy. I'll take all your firsts, Nova. You just have to give them to me.”

Her eyes are hooded, dropped with the look of lust as she stares at my mouth.

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