Page 189 of Brutal Knight

"And then, when your family died, I wanted to be there for you. But you pushed me away. You pushed me away and then you ran away, as far and as fast as possible.

"I'm so sorry," he groaned softly, burying his face into my hair, and I could feel the force of his agony bleed into me. "So sorry."

"But that night," I kept going, as if in a trance, "that night when the ocean came in and I wanted to drift away and sink into its depths and never return, I clung on to my life.

“I clung to my life because of you, Knight.

"Because I hated you for leaving me and for not letting me be there for you like you were for me.

"Because you abandoned me and left me to be used and abused by the psychopath that was my husband.

"Because, every single fucking day, I longed to hold you and touch you and see your face again.

"And my hatred for you helped me hang on, but the one thing that really kept me from allowing myself to be dragged out to sea was that I also still loved you, Knight.

"You are my person.

"You're it, Knight.

"The only one for me.

"And that love for you, even though I hadn't seen you in years, came pouring out.

"It filled up my legs and my stomach. And then my chest and arms. Until it moved up my throat and into my face and out my eyes.

"I still loved you, Knight. And that's what gave me the energy to swim back to shore and crawl up the sand and drag myself back through the window.

"That's what gave me the strength to wash myself off so that Manuel wouldn't know that I'd been outside. To clean off the wall and the floor where I'd tracked sand.

"And gave me the strength to suffer through every single minute of his abuse from then on out.

"I clung to my love for you, Knight.

"So, even when you weren't standing there, next to me. You still saved me.

"And I knew,I knewthat one day, I had to love myself more than you, but until then, I determined to use you like you'd used me. To use my love for you to get me through each second of that goddamn clicking clock.

"Until one day, I loved you enough to stand up for myself.” I stared off in the distance, seeing that night in my mind. “My love for you gave me the energy to pick up a knife and use it to slice across his throat. And it was just enough energy to go through with it all the way. To stand over him and watch him bleed out.

"Or, I thought he did anyway.

"And then I crawled my way outside, where I waited to die.

"And, be it fate or whatever you want to call it, but it was then that I looked at the stars once more and thought of you.

"Thought of you and that starlit night sky, when you gave me a promise that I never forgot.

"And that was the exact night that Rook finally discovered where I was.

"And he found me like that.

"Staring up at the night sky, blood on my hands...

"Still loving you.”

I finally turned to face him. There was just enough light in the room to see his eyes, shining with unshed tears. "And that's why I have to leave you."

"What?"

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