Page 63 of Brutal Knight

FOURTEEN

I wasin the blackest ocean.

Drowning. Desperate. Dying.

Time meant nothing in this endless space, where black met dark met the endless abyss of my life.

Ants. Crawling over and under and through me. Eating my insides, my face, my skin. And then the green.

Green, green, fucking green everywhere.

Spewing from my mouth and out my ass, like a motherfucking tidal wave of green.

Hands moving over me, soothing, soothing, whispering words of comfort that reminded me of years ago that no longer mean anything. The same nimble fingers, same soothing voice, same heart pounding in my ears like my brain was on motherfucking fire.

And then the voice didn’t matter, the tears and the sweat and the pain, oozing from my skin, because I was a part of the floor, buried under the ground, drowning in the ocean of nothingness.

Teeth chattering, aching pain, moving fingers from the cold, tile floor to the hard, ice porcelain of the toilet. My face, cold, clammy skin, eyes barely open, facing certain death.

Death all around me, seconds ticking by like lightning striking my skin, sizzling, munching little ants of pain and agony.

Everywhere I was dying.

Heart pounding so hard it was flying out of my chest.

Blood singeing and sizzling. Fire through my veins and face.

Drowning in my sweat, in salt and blood, oozing every drop of moisture in my body. Pooling on the tile, draining, draining, inching closer and closer to my mouth. Soon I wouldn’t be able to breathe.

Then it was coming from the sky, pouring over my body, the smell of soap and hibiscus and sea salt jasmine, filling my nose like a breath of fresh salt air.

Naked skin against mine, sliding, so slippery and fresh, like a newborn baby against the carcass of my body.

Soft lips, pressing to my forehead, my temple, my ear, but I was on fire, and then ice, freezing, shaking, then drowning again as the water poured over my head.

The cleanliness only lasted seconds until the vomit was spewing again and again and again and again…

Days, months, years pass by.

I was a part of eternity.

The earth continued to spin on its axis and I was moving with it as my body molded to the bed, to the earth. I was as timeless as the earth because I’d been dying, stuck in this nightmare of never-ending dying. Heart pounding, sweat pouring, body aching.

My eyes, they wouldn’t close.

They stared and stared and stared as the clock on the wall continued to tick, the seconds passing and sticking, slowing to an endless nothingness.

I wasn’t strong enough - I never had been. I couldn’t believe that I thought I could do this.

I clenched my teeth and my fists, clasping onto the person holding me. My throat was sore, my voice raw and aching. My windpipe raw from the screaming-crying. “Just give it to me!”

Then the clock was ticking again, the ants marching over me as ice cut through skin.

“Drink.” The voice was dark and commanding. Parched lips moved, jaw aching as liquid spilled, soothing the aching inside me. A brief respite, then I was sinking into the mattress, filled with the moisture of my agony.

Soft caresses across my face, pushing the tears away but it did no good.

They didn’t stop.

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