Page 90 of Pervade Montego Bay
His look of devastation caused my heart to flinch. “It’s a kind thought.”
“I figured after last night…”
Last night I’d shown him with more than words how much I cared about him and Emily, with an unrelenting passion. All we’d done was fall sleep and then wake to make love again…a cycle of passion that had us all sleeping late this morning. Xavier and Emily had woken me by delivering a mind-shattering blow job that made my balls ache when I recalled it.
We were too perfect. But it was a happiness we couldn’t sustain.
Xavier’s expression turned uncertain.
“I don’t need one,” I said. “A ring, I mean.”
He looked worried. “Don’t say you’ve changed your mind?”
“I was never swayed, Xavier.” It hurt like hell to say it.
Xavier stepped back, his face twisted in agony. He spun around and headed out, slamming the door behind him. His sudden absence left me bereft.
Shit.
I was an idiot.
My empathy for his pain was too strong to pull back from. I hurried after him, fleeing down the corridor and quickly closing the gap between us.
I grabbed his shoulder. “Wait.”
“There’s nothing else to say, James,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion.
Stepping forward, I cupped his face in my hands and crushed my lips to his, lashing his tongue with mine, kissing him fervently, trying to get him to understand I was doing this for him.
I would stand guard at the doors of their relationship until my last day on earth. I’d be their knight in shining armor from afar.
There was no denying that being this close to him was like finding my breath after being held underwater. It was a momentary sanctuary in a world that I no longer felt a part of.
Nipping his lip, I forced him to surrender…to understand what I was trying to do for him…and for Emily.
Finally,he relented, relaxing against me and opening his mouth wider, allowing my tongue to lash his with more affection, showing him what I’d failed to say—his wellbeing was more important than mine.
Agony constricted my heart because deep down I knew happiness would always be one heartbeat away for me. Love was for others, for people who were free to give themselves completely to another. Not for men like me with blood on their hands, who were courted by death. Men who were monsters.
Undeserving pleasure surged through me and I went with it…a rush of aggression in response to the way this man made me feel. Xavier brought light to fight my darkness, clearing the shadows away with his brightness. He deserved to be punished like this for being so annoyingly perfect.
I broke our kiss and swiftly shoved his back against the wall, my body pressing into his.
Xavier trembled against me.
“You may not want to get on your knees for me,” I scolded him playfully. “But I have no problem with kneeling before you.”
He swallowed hard at my suggestion.
Leaning in, I nipped his ear and brushed my lips over his cheek, returning to his mouth again to find it soft and relenting.
God, this is my prayer. Give me these final moments to shower him with affection and show him how much I love him. Let him see I love him so much I’m willing to let him go.
My hand brushed the material over his erection, my fingertips tracing his full length, feeling him stiffen beneath my caress. My fingers found his zipper, this need to pleasure him growing wilder.
He let out a breathless moan.
“Surrender,” I groaned into his mouth. “One last time.”
