Page 113 of Chandelier Sin
“To watch you dissociate.”
I felt a wealth of emotion I dared not show.
“A survival mechanism,” he added.
“I’m not a victim.”
“You can’t see it.”
“I mean, sometimes he can be…harsh.”
“Some call that abuse.”
“Why are you being kind?”
“What did you expect?” he asked softly.
“That you were going to hurt me.”
“Then why come?”
“I was going to leave you a note. Couldn’t risk anyone seeing it.”
“Well, I’m home now. Tell me in person.”
I swallowed hard, needing more seconds to gather my thoughts.
“You’re nervous because I appear to have all the power?” He hugged me tighter.
“Clearly.”
“That’s how we separate a gentleman from a bully.” He gave a wry grin.
“A woman never knows. Until it matters.”
“Knows if a man can be trusted?”
“Yes.”
“Taking advantage would be abhorrent. You’d be reluctant to report any abuse. Because you broke in.”
I trembled against him.
“I’m not that kind of man.”
“That’s what I believe.”What I want to believe.
“Which again leads me to the question, why are you risking so much to be here? This time, tell me the truth.”
I wasn’t ready to say why I needed him, not yet. Not until I knew I could trust him completely. Knew without a doubt he’d help me find Eloise, and not try to find favor with Aemon by telling him my plan—gaining points to fulfill whatever scheme he had going.
If I had to sleep with Atticus, so be it. I’d do whatever it took to get my daughter to safety, to get her back.
The reflection staring back at me showed the kindest eyes. Seeing him in this setting—at home—put me at ease. He emanated serenity, a peace I craved but hadn’t known how to reach.
Placing Atticus at risk was unfair. He didn’t deserve to be in harm’s way. Not this version of him. I’d never seen him in chambers, when sexual tensions were high and the pressure was on to provide an unforgettable show.
He’d put his submissive first. I wanted to believe this. Next time he visited Pendulum, I’d watch him. Try not to let my jealousy get to me during a session when he fucked an obedient woman.
