Page 17 of Seek & Destroy

She sighed deeply and turned in her seat to look at me. “I want you, Kwame. I was just telling him to stop contacting me. I’ve never done this before, but you’re making me feel differently about relationships. You make me feel like a queen…as if I walk on water with glass slippers on. I trust you more than I trust myself, and that scares me. But I don’t want to lose you. I promise my attraction to you isn’t a game. I like being with you.” She rubbed the side of my face with the back of her hand. I grabbed it and kissed her hand.

“Good. I don’t want to see that shit no more. I ain’t a jealous man, but I’m very territorial over what’s mine, and you, Esani, are mine.”

She smiled and leaned over the seat, tonguing me down. I grabbed a handful of her ass and slapped it.

“Tell me you’re mine, Esani,” I commanded, slipping my hand up her dress and sliding her panties to the side. I rubbed her clit as she moaned into my mouth.

“Say it,” I urged again.

“Kwame…” She groaned breathlessly as I rubbed faster.

“Tell me, Esani.”

“I-I’m…I’m yours. Shit! I’m about to cum.”

“Good girl. Cum for me.”

She ground her hips while I sucked her neck until I felt her pussy throb and legs shake. I pulled my hand from under her dress and licked my fingers clean.

“Fuck,” she moaned. “Damn.”

I chuckled. “Fuck that bar. We’re going back to my place so I can punish that pussy for you being in that nigga’s face,” I told her, starting the truck and pulling out of the parking space to head home.

6

Esani

Six Months Later…

I hadno clue why I was doing this. I had the perfect man at home, and yet, here I was, lying in bed next to Marc after allowing him to fuck me every which way from Sunday.

The truth was I knew why I was doing it. I wanted to sabotage what we had because of my mother’s warnings to never fall in love. It turned out after Kwame and I’s first date, he became everything a girl could dream of. He catered to me, took me places in and out of the bedroom, treated me as if I were a fragile antique doll, and did things that neither Marc, Chris, or Solo could ever do. He got to my heart.

I honestly didn’t know how he was able to do it, but he did it, and because of this, I was running away from it. I fell...hard. But I couldn’t allow myself to show it. Shania had robotically programmed into me the importance of never letting a man break my heart. It worked because I was trying to find a flaw in Kwame. I tried to catch him up with those women on the board of the basketball league or even with his assistant Gina but couldn’t catch him doing anything. I knew I was sabotaging our relationship because I felt myself falling in love with him.

It wasn’t easy keeping Solo, Marc, and Chris a secret. I had to buy a whole new phone just for them because all three of them constantly blew up my line. The shit was becoming exhausting trying to satisfy them so I wouldn’t lose them if this thing with Kwame didn’t work out, and I couldn’t forget having to hide them from Kwame. The shit was becoming so hard and stressful, but I had to keep it together before I lost my damn mind.

“What’s wrong with you, baby?” Marc asked. I guess he noticed that I wasn’t being a fake loving girlfriend anymore.

“Nothing,” I replied, getting out of the bed and heading to the shower. I turned on the water and stepped inside once the temperature warmed up. As I lathered my body, I felt Marc get in behind me. I slightly rolled my eyes because I wanted to shower in peace.

“What can I do to make you happy, E? What can I do to be the only one you want or need?”

“What are you talking about, Marcus?”

“I know about the other guys, ma. I’m not stupid or mad, but I want you to stop fucking with them. I want to be the only man in your life. I can give you whatever your heart desires if you just let me. I know I’m on the road a lot, but you know I always take care of you,” he said, kissing the nape of my neck.

“I think you’re only saying this because you know you got bitches in those other states, so please, spare me.”

“Esani, what the fuck are you talking about? I don’t fuck with other bitches because I never have time to. When I’m not on the field, where am I and what am I doing? Either on FaceTime with you or here at home blowing up your damn line so I can get my day in with you!” he yelled. “I can’t keep waiting for you to come around, baby. It’s either you want this with me, or you don’t. I don’t want to have to share you anymore. You’re perfect, and you treat me like a king, but I know you’re probably doing the exact same thing to those other niggas, and I’m jealous.”

Okay, this shit was getting too intense. I rinsed myself thoroughly then slowly turned to him.

“I care about you a lot, Marc, but I’m not ready to settle down yet, baby. I’m only twenty-eight and still want to explore my options. You are good to me...I won’t lie about that, but if you’re talking about love and marriage, then maybe it’s time for you to move on. I’m just not ready for that,” I half lied.

Marc didn’t say anything, but he nodded and placed a kiss on my forehead.

“One day, Esani, you’re going to look for love, and it won’t be available. No one waits forever, baby. Every day that you deny yourself of fully committing, you’re selling yourself short, and you’re going to find yourself lonely and regretting that you never took that leap.”

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