Page 60 of The Filth Kings

“Octavio…Octavio is—our younger…brother.” I forced the words out and started to pace in front of Monster.

I felt his dark eyes watch me, he waited for me to say something like I waited for his next set of words like my life depended on it. I was stuck in an internal battle with my emotions that were trying to force its way out to the surface. My chest burned and felt raw, and I was getting ready to drown in all of my self-pity that once made me weak.

I can’t fucking hold it in!I panicked as my breathing hitched. I took a step back to try to distance myself from all the memories that I had with Octavio and nothing worked. It felt like I was getting ready to break into pieces right in front of Monster. It was too late, the weight of everything came through my eyes. My tears started to trickle at first and then my floodgates opened and poured out. The pain, guilt, and rejection that I felt over the years couldn’t be contained.

I dropped my head in defeat and pressed both of my hands over my face to hide it, but even that was a hard task. I couldn’t hide shit right now. Octavio, I thought he was safe, I thought Jalissa at least loved him and…

I sobbed out loud and choked on my own sobs. I growled and cried angrily, ready to rip anything apart until I felt Monster by my side. His cold, rough hand grabbed the back of my neck as he pulled me into his chest.

“They fucked us all up, the three of us.” His voice cracked.

It all hit me harder than I thought it would. I couldn’t even force myself to look up into his eyes. I couldn’t even imagine what he went through out in Thailand. He thought Jalissa saved him only for her to use him as a chess piece in her sick ass game to get back at Detavio and me. Monster bowed his head to mine, I felt his chest jump, heard him sniffle and it broke me more. It felt like we both were drowning, we both struggled to bring each other back to life.

“I got to find our brother.” I grabbed a handful of his shirt and squeezed for dear life.

“Listen to me, Detavio.” Monster spoke through a broken voice.

He planted his hands on either side of my shoulder and shook me until I locked eyes with him.

“You go to Arkville…get all of the answers and closure that you need from Impurity. After the ball…He’s a dead man. There’s no need for me to gather any closure from him or Jalissa. They are the reason why we are so fucked up and demented. We accept who we are and move forward with them dead. I will have men look into Octavio, I’ll find him soon. I promise.” He gritted out painfully.

“I can kill Impurity.” I stepped back and fisted my tears away.

“You won’t. It doesn’t make you weak either, Detavio. I just know that you won’t kill him. Even though you know he deserves it, you wouldn’t be able to kill him because while he rejected me and Octavio, he accepted you; he tried to groom you to be just like him. While you thought the world was against you… Impurity appeared to be a father that was trying to prepare you for a world that he knew would reject you.”

I nodded my head to what he said. Deep down, I knew he was right. I battled with myself and stayed away from Impurity once my company took off and was making good money. I thought about killing Impurity several times but felt weak and hated myself because I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t understand why, but for years I tried to justify not pulling the trigger or carving his organs out like he did to hundreds of innocent people.

I craved to see and feel blood because of Impurity. He forced me into his dark world and held me as prisoner without me accepting accountability for it as a grown man.

“It’s okay to cry. A close friend of mine used to tell me that,” Monster stated.

“We don’t have to pretend that we strong all the time…we don’t have to always hold it in either, because if we do, the shit will continue to eat away at us until we are nothing. We human, it’s alright to feel shit. I keep telling myself that. How can we want to feel free of all of this bullshit if we don’t allow ourselves to feel anything…hurt, anger, pain, sadness…How can we get to happiness if we don’t feel all the other emotions that hit us?” He asked.

“It makes me feel weak.” I muttered.

“No, it makes you feel real.” He smirked.

“Besides, I won’t tell a soul if you don’t.” Monster cracked a full-blown smile.

That was new as well. I never seen him smile, just like I came here and saw his house redecorated filled with warmth and a touch of love.

“I feel good knowing that the pieces to our broken puzzle is starting to come together. Once we get Octavio, everything will be okay,” I said out loud to Monster but more so to myself.

“Indeed, but right now and the following days will be hell. We have to continue to operate how we been operating and see shit through.” Monster’s voice was back cold and void of any emotion.

“You right,” I said.

“I’m always right, I guess it’s a big brother kind of thing.”

Twenty-Eight

Impurity didn’t likesurprise visits but he always liked to pop up on people as a surprise. I knew that I couldn’t keep him on ice for long. He wanted answers about Jalissa. I went over it a million times in my head about what I would say to him. I was sure that Herringbone’s funky ass told Impurity everything along with Monster being my brother. Impurity probably went on a blood thirst mission since the news hit him.

It left me to wonder if Mr. Herringbone was still alive. I called the old man soon as I left Monster’s house to touch bases with him. I was dealing with everything that hit me when Jalissa popped up, including my company. I had several meetings and sponsors to meet with for my big red-carpet event. I yearned to lay eyes on Angel but hadn’t found the time to make it back to the pit to check on her face to face to deliver everything I promised to her.

She was in good hands with Maylee so I didn’t let my mind ponder on her for too long. I had more important things to do then to be stuck in a battle on why I didn’t kill her. I was satisfied with not killing Angel. Everything she said about Impurity was true, it angered me about the things she said about me, though. A big part of me wanted to explain myself and force her to see that I was not Impurity. My pride wouldn’t let me do it, and I didn’t see myself even setting her hardheaded ass free any time soon.

Angel needed to learn how to mind her fucking business. If it was Impurity that got hold of her, she’d be dead without a second thought. I navigated through the cold deserted streets of Arkville with nothing worth seeing. This godforsaken city feels and looks like the land of the forgotten. Buildings looked cracked and weathered. The asphalt beneath my tires is rough and pitted. I chuckled dryly at how even the road felt like it had given up on trying to hold shit together here.

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