Page 64 of The Filth Kings

I smokeduntil my lungs burned as I sat Indian style in the middle of Monni’s bed. I watched a virtual workshop on interior design. I couldn’t wait for him to get home, just so I could tell him about what all I learned today. I’ve been texting Angel and thought she was acting a little weird until she responded back to me, telling me how proud she was of me. I was proud of myself and couldn’t wait to start working hands-on with interior design.

I felt giddy inside when she told me that she wanted to do another girls day soon to catch up on all the new tea that I had been texting her about the last couple of days. I needed to see my best friend, I wanted to talk to her about Monni. I didn’t have anyone but her to confide in regarding him. I didn’t want to leave his house. In a weird way this started to feel like home since I redecorated it.

Monni talked a little more, but it still wasn’t much. He listened to me talk and I kind of liked it at times because he never cut me off or interrupted what I was telling him. I asked myself over and over how did I get this far with Monni. I rubbed up and down my arm to soothe the uneasiness of it all. I confessed my feelings in a raw way to Monni. He fucked my soul out of my body and into his. The next day, everything just seemed to fall in place.

Truth is, I was scared at how entranced I felt whenever he was around. I loved everything about Monni down to his scars, the crooked grin that tugged at his full lips whenever I attempted to make a joke. His dark endless eyes that held me captivated whenever he said just a few words to me. The average woman would run and try to get far away from him, but this just felt different to me.

I wanted Angel to understand it, I knew she would tell me that I was moving too fast. I just felt like I belonged to him. I also knew that it made Monni feel good to come home and know that I was right here waiting for him.

Just as my virtual workshop ended, I heard the door creak open from the other end of the house. My heart jumped as I quickly put out half of my blunt and picked up my cup to take a couple of sips of my elderberry tea. His heavy steps stopped outside of the bedroom door and for a minute, I forget to breathe. He opened up the door dressed in all black.

I licked my lips at how his fitted shirt stretched across his shoulders, the ends of his black baggy cargo pants sat right above his scuffed black boots. Monni’s eyes found mine almost instantly. There was something in his gaze that sent a shiver down my spine.This man fine as hell!

“Monni, there’s blood over the top of your hands.” I frowned.

“I know, come clean me in the shower so we can talk about it.” His voice was low and rough.

I watched him step out of his boots and nudge them to the side of him. Next was his shirt followed by his pants. He walked away from me toward his bathroom. I hesitated to get up right away, but the pull he had on me to see what was up, made me push off the bed. I lifted my gown over my head, my stomach knotted up as I made my way to the bathroom.

I entered and watched him open up a pill bottle and toss tiny white pills to the back of his throat with no water.

“You eat today?” I tried to make light conversation.

“Are you still in love with Chedda?” Monni’s voice was still low and neutral.

The muscles in his back flexed as he stared at himself in the mirror with no signs of emotion.

“No, I’m not in love with him.” I answered truthfully although his question caught me off guard.

“You miss him?”

“No, why are you asking me these random questions? I could have left days ago if I wanted Chedda!” I rolled my eyes hard at his side profile.

Chedda was my first love, my first everything. I was going to always have love for him despite how fucked up he treated me. I had finally came to place and discovered that I had fallen out of love with Chedda years ago.

“I look myself in the mirror and can’t believe who I’m starting to see.” He flicked his eyes over to me.

His void, deep dark eyes burned with passion. I breathed through my open mouth as I chewed on the inside of my mouth before speaking.

“Who do you see?” I stammered.

“I see a man who has fallen in love. This time as an adult. I realized that I fell in love with Emi through some shit called trauma bonding. I’ll always love her…but I am in love with you, Natavi,” he said as he emphasized the last three words.

The sound of those words was enough to make my knees threaten to buckle. I hadn’t expected him to confess it ever, I expected him to show me through his actions. His haunted gaze and the silence that surrounded him like a shield on a day-to-day basis made me understand that it would be hard for him to confess the way that he felt. I leaned closer to the door as I pressed my ear harder against the wood. I held on to his words and placed them inside of my heart. The walls of my mind trembled as my thoughts scattered in every direction. His confession echoed through me, and for a moment I wondered if I was just hearing things.

“I never killed a man in the name of love.” He grated.

My eyes went wide as I tried to process his next choice of words.

“I beat him with my bare fist until I got tired of him pleading and begging. The next step was me breaking his fucking neck.” He whirled around until he was fully facing me.

I took a step back as I digested exactly what he was saying, I couldn’t move or speak as he took two long strides, closing the space between us.

“He had no business disrespecting or using the woman that was destined to be mine. Chedda was your past, I erased your past because it wasn’t worthy of the woman you are now. My woman. And if any man walking this green earth looks at you like he’s been a part of your past or speak of your past like Howard-the-Coward did, they’re dead, you hear me, Natavi? I’ll kill whoever I please, whenever I please, then come home to you and have you scrub and rinse my sins away. Am I who you really want and are you strong enough to have me as your other half?” He asked as he placed his index finger underneath my chin to lift it up.

“Why did you kill him? That’s not how you are supposed to do things.” I retorted.

“That’s not what I asked you, Natavi. Answer my question, if you don’t want to…right now is your chance to fill your other suitcase up and leave. I won’t bother you or come after you. I need you to answer me and be truthful.” He shot back.

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