Page 19 of The Filth Kings II

The garden smelled like sweet flowers and rotten fruit. I sat on a stone bench with my knees pulled up to my chest. I eyed my bare feet that had raw blisters at the bottom and open cuts on the top. Saturday’s were always peaceful for me and Emi. She’d pick flowers while I thought about all of the what if’s and why’s. I was ten years old and smart enough to know that all of the abuse that I endeared sexually and physically wasn’t right.

I gazed at all the other kids spread throughout the garden some was malnourished, while others held hands and sung in foreign language. Tai talked to most of us in English, the others he talked in his language. He stood a few feet away, leaned up against a pillar wrapped in vines. His shirt was crisp white, and he had on his favorite linen tan pants. Unlike the rest of us, he had shoes to cover his feet.

Our eyes connected, I hated that… my stomach flipped when he stared my way with a wolf smile that stretched his face.

“What’s on your mind, kid?” he asked; his eyes left mine to scan the area.

Like clockwork, his men had eyes on all of us. We worked four or five times out the week. I didn’t have to do half of the disgusting things that I was forced to do since half of Tai’s wealthy clients couldn’t stand the sight of me. I guess me being hideous was a gift from God…to protect me at some point from all the evil this world was swallowed up in.

“Kid?” His question sounded more like a warning.

“Yes?” I looked up, blocking the sun with my trembling hand.

It was hot out today, the kind of heat that made your clothes feel like glue. Tai raised his bushy eyebrows and frowned; he wasn’t going to repeat the question that he knew I already heard. I swallowed my spit and stuttered over my words. Tai was a patient man. But whenever he ran out of patience with us…he’d beat us until we bled out and would need medical attention.

I wanted to ask him a question…a question that usually kept me up all night wondering, why me? I didn’t want to ask. I was scared of Tai’s voice, and the way his eyes hardly blinked when he conversed with us all. My chest hurt with the question. I braced myself for whatever beating I’d get for working at Tai’s nerves.

“Sir?” I said above a whisper. Tai raised his brows again without speaking.

I took in a deep breath then continued.

“Will I…will I ever meet my mom and dad?” My throat burned as my eyelids grew heavy.

I held my breath as my chest constricted. Tai didn’t answer right away, it seemed like the entire garden grew quiet from chatter. He turned his body to face me fully, then tilted his head to the side like I just asked him a stupid question.

“Parents?” His deep voice went low. I nodded my head with a gleam of hope in them.

“Your father sold you to me when you were born. It’s best to rid yourself of that thought. I’m your mom, dad, and owner. You will forever belong to me.” He chuckled dryly and walked away with his hand shoved in his pants pockets.

All hope left my body, something inside of me cracked. I blinked back my tears as fast as I could and wiped them away with the back of my hands as I eyed the dirt beneath me. I wanted to fall to the dirt, kick, scream, and cry my heart out. That wasn’t allowed here, tears got you beat then tortured until you begged for death. My heart cried for the rest of the day. That night when we got sent to our rooms that reminded me of a jail cell, my sweet Emi held me, and wiped my tears as she hummed sweet melodies to me.

“Baby, wake up! Monni!” Natavi called my name, but she sounded far away.

My heartbeat sounded like thunder in my ears, I couldn’t fuckin’ breathe. The room was dark except the light purple halo from the lamp on Natavi’s side of the bed; even that was blurry as I struggled to breathe. My body was soaked from sweat, I kicked my legs and moved my arms wildly. The sheets were tangled around me, feeling like they was chained to me.

“Baby, calm down; sit up.” Natavi nudged me softly.

I took in a deep breath and shuttered.

“I have to return to Thailand—” I clamped my mouth shut.

I became pissed with myself that after being free of Tai…I never doubled back to kill him. I killed lots of people and failed to end him. I didn’t think that he’d come after me. I had a wife, a son, and brothers to protect. I’d lay down and die before I let any of them get harmed because of me. I buried my pain of being rejected at birth. Although the question of why lingered deep down in a space that I tried my best to keep buried in the pits of me.

“Baby, you had a bad dream. What’s triggering these fucked up nightmares is that you don’t sleep, Monni. I’ve been getting more rest than you. It’s like you tend to the baby more than me as an excuse to not sleep. I don’t know what’s?—”

“Natavi.” I cut her off, something I knew she hated for me to do but I had to. She wasn’t hearing me clearly.

“I’m going to get you your medicine, then I want you to try and go back to sleep. If Neosyne wakes back up to be fed, I have him.” She pushed quickly got out of our bed and sluggishly walked toward the bathroom.

I looked over at the bassinet at our son, and my heart slowed down. I stifled a tired yawn and got out of bed to look at my baby boy. I still couldn’t believe that someone like me could produce something so perfect, pure, and full of love. I stood over Neosyne’s bassinet and became emotional. His eyes locked with mine; I bowed my head with so much confliction pumping through me.

How could Jalissa, and Impurity look at me as a baby then decide that I wasn’t good enough for them? Neosyne was one month old, and I couldn’t get enough of him. I felt bad that Natavi was stressed about my sleep and how I hadn’t gotten any good rest since I found out that it was Tai sending people to send messages to me. He had to be too old by now to even be worried about me. Something told me that it was something deeper.

I wouldn’t know until I went and heard it from him or whoever was behind the bullshit. I was too paranoid to sleep for too long, I refused to let anyone catch me vulnerable. So I slept in increments. I busied myself by helping Natavi around the house. I researched post-partum in women and kept a close eye on her to make sure she didn’t over exert herself.

This was new for the both of us, but we made it work. I felt like we was doing a good job. I broke out of my thoughts as Natavi entered the room with my pill bottle. She went to our mini refrigerator and pulled out a water bottle. Once I took the medicine, Natavi got in bed first. I picked Neosyne up and paced the floor back and forth with him for ten minutes until he fell back to sleep.

I got back in bed, laid on my side and stared Natavi in the eyes. I felt pressure in my chest again, only because it was time that I told her a little bit about my past so she could understand why I needed to head back to Thailand immediately.

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