“Salaam, little sisters!” greets the owner, a burly Middle Eastern man with close-cropped gray hair and Arabic script tattooed on his arms, noticing Dalia’s shimmery purple turban.
“Salaam,” we say in unison, and let him point out the ongoing sales.
While the girls amble off to ooh and aah, I check the price tag on a floor lamp that resembles a palm tree, wince, and release it. Not as much as it would cost outside downtown, in a department store, but way out ofmyprice range.
“Surprised your dad didn’t tag along,” I tell the twins, who are bouncing on two of the garishly decked mattresses that take up the whole center of the shop.
“Psh, we had to ban him after he kept moaning about the cost when we went to Target,” Dani says. “The white people started side-eyeing us. They were either about to offer donations or call security, but we left before we could find out.”
Dalia shakes her head, though it’s clear she’s suppressing asmile. “Can you blame him? It’s going to be an expensive four years, even with us chipping in.”
“Well, that’s why we’re bargain-hunting, isn’t it?” Dani replies. “Besides, Zahra knows more than any of us about helicopter brown parents.” She turns to me. “How’s that going, by the way? You’d tell us if you were already engaged, wouldn’t you? ’Cause I think your smoking-hot new dishwasher bae might be less than pleased if you were taken.”
“Dani!” Dalia scolds.
I laugh uncomfortably. “No. I already told you Harun isn’t into it either, right? He’s not a bad guy. The funniest thing happened on our last date, actually—”
Before I can tell them about Hanif’s hilarious antics, how Harun texted me to chat about the movie after, and everything that occurred with Amma’s job following our night together, Dalia gasps and points toward the rear of the shop. “Look, Dan, those twinkle lights are exactly like the ones we saw at Target but, like, half the price!”
“Hold that thought, Zar,” Dani says, hopping off the bed to join her sister.
Ximena observes my downcast expression for a moment, then takes the space her girlfriend vacated, patting the spot next to her for me to join. “You sure everything’s okay, Zahra?”
Although I’m tempted to lie again, I can’t do it anymore. Not after what happened with Amma. But I don’t want to cry, either, which I will if we get into all that now, so I merely say, “I guess it’s hard not to feel like a fourth wheel these days. Imean, Dani and Dalia are twins, you’re Dani’s girlfriend, and all of you are going to college, while I’m only…”
Replaceable.
“You’re notonlyanything,” Ximena replies, putting a hand on my knee. “They’re just… in their own world sometimes.” Although she’s talking to me, her eyes are on Dani, at once fond and something more complicated. “That doesn’t mean that you’re not an important part of their lives. Of all of ours.” She smirks. “Orthat there aren’t things in your own world you should try exploring more… like certain eye-candy dishwashers.”
Heat rushes up my face, her ribbing doing its trick as I squeak, “Nayim is more than just a pretty face, Men. He’s a hard worker with big dreams and—” Ximena’s smirk grows wolfish and my teeth snap together. “Okay, okay, I get it. Maybe you’re right.”
“I’m always right,” she replies, but her grin takes on an edge. “Honestly, Zar, I know things have been hard for you. Losing your dad? I can’t even start to imagine it. But I worry you get so lost in the bad sometimes that you don’t notice the good.”
“Good?”I recoil.
Ximena winces. “That came out wrong. It’s just, your future being undecided doesn’t have to be so awful. It means you get to make choices for yourself, in a way none of the rest of us can.”
I’m about to answer, when Dani yells across the shop, “Oi,Mena, come look at all the art they have hung up! You think I should buy one for my dorm?”
“Uhhh, you’re buying this imitation BS over my dead body, babe,” her girlfriend calls back, giving my knee one last squeeze before moving to find the Tahir girls, leaving me before I can respond. And honestly, I wouldn’t even know what to say. There’s not a single bone in my body that can see the silver lining she believes in.
I’m all alone.
This is the most stuck I’ve felt since the acceptance letters rolled in and I had to defer mine. Maybe itwasa mistake to come.
My friends have been swept away by the magic of colorful fairy lights. I wish the biggest question in my life was what kinds of decorations to buy. They presume I have some caricature of freedom they don’t, when just last night, Amma and I were arguing over how to keep the lights on at our apartment.Anyof them.
Dread cracks open inside me, gaping and raw. Things are changing between us, whether I want them to or not.
I only hope they won’t leave me behind.
Because without them, I’m scared of who I’ll become.
Chapter12
A few days later, I’mleft to fend for myself once more, this time at Chai Ho.
Or at least, that seems to be Mr. Tahir’s fear.