Page 94 of The Love Match

He doesn’t get to quit on us. Not after everything we’ve been through to get here.

His shoulders tense as he steels himself to answer. I feel my own grow rigid in response. “I can’t promise you the kinds of things Nayim can. Can’t promise youforeverwhen I barely have a grip on now. Who knows if we’ll be together in a month, much less for the rest of our lives?”

“Wow.” Sarcasm drips from the word as my fingers tighten on the railing enough to cut into my palm. “So that’s how much you love me, huh? You can’t imagine lasting for more than a month?”

Harun shakes his head frantically. “No, it’s—not that. I meant it when I said you were the best thing that’s happened to me.” He bites his lip, and when his eyes rise to mine, they’re filled with fire. “But I’m only eighteen! The last time I thought I saw a future with someone, we broke up aftertwo years. Who’s to say the same won’t happen with us in a year, a month, hell, maybe a few weeks from now?”

I clench my jaw, but don’t answer.

More softly, he continues, “Then what, Zahra? I can’t let you give up a sure thing for a maybe.”

The defeat in his voice snaps me out of my trance.

Releasing the railing to encroach into his personal space, I glare up at him in spite of the tears that trail down my cheeks. “I’m so sick and tired of everyone trying toletme do anything. I don’t need you or Nayim or my mother oranyoneto save me. I’ve been doing a damn good job of that myself!”

“I know,” he whispers, lifting a hand to cradle my face. It falls away and swings listless at his side when I recoil. “I—that’s exactly what I love about you, Zahra. You care more than anyone else I’ve ever met. But I’m just… me. I’m not someone who can promise you all your wildest dreams. Not like Nayim. If you need to marry him for your family, I won’t stop you, no matter how much it hurts me to let you go.”

“I chose you,” I reply, spitting the words. “I chose you, but you’re not choosing me.”

“I am, though,” he says sadly. “I’m choosing the future where you’ll be the happiest. God, you get to be a literal princess married to a guy who’s head over heels for you. Who came scowl for you. He can give you everything you need.”

I scowl down at the churning waves, hating how he manages to sound so sensible.

My silence makes him gnaw on his lower lip for a moment, before he murmurs, “Agoodguy, no matter how much I wish I could hate him. A future with him is best for everyone you care about.” He offers me a tragic smile. “And you know it too. That’s why you didn’t tell Nayim no, right?”

I open my mouth to argue, but nothing comes out. “I… that’s not—”

I want to dispute this. I want to list all the reasons why I didn’t immediately reject Nayim. I was shocked speechless. I didn’t want to humiliate him. I didn’t want to embarrassmyselfor my family. Especially in front of the entire freaking city.

But… my family…

Could they have been the real reason why I held my tongue?

Have those ill omens the aunties gave me during the community picnic metamorphosed into a Greek choir in the back of my mind?

Harun looks away when I don’t respond. “If you tell Nayim no, the whole community will be watching us. And they’ll hate us if we don’t end up getting engaged. Then you’ll be the girl who snubbed a prince for the ‘New-Money Emons’ and couldn’t make it work. I don’t care about me, but if I’m the reason you can’t find someone else, I won’t be able to live with myself.” He rakes his hand through his hair. “God, I don’t know if I could live with that kind of pressure.”

“I thought you didn’t believe all that bullshit about my only value being as someone’s wife,” I say, my voice barely a whisper.

“I don’t.” He tries to smile, but his eyes shimmer behind his glasses. “If there’s anyone in the world who deserves a happily-ever-after with the most eligible bachelor in Bangladesh, it’s you, Zahra. I can’t take that from you.”

I look down at the water, training my eyes on the waves below. I thought Harun was different. I thought he understood me.

“You have so much to offer,” he murmurs, turning away from me. “That’s why I can’t hold you back. I’m sorry if you don’t believe me, but I really do love you, Zahra. Enough to live with a broken heart if it means you’ll get everything you ever wanted. Everything youneed.”

I hate everything about this conversation. About this situation. About my life. I hate that I evenseethe merit in his twisted, backward logic. I hate that I don’t feel like I have a choice. That he’s making my choice for me.

Instead all that comes out is, “I hate you.”

“I’m sorry.” His voice breaks. “Goodbye, Zahra.”

The second he’s gone, I can admit that I was lying when I claimed to hate him. I love him so much, it feels as though my ribs can’t contain it all. Like my heart might explode into star-stuff and fleck the night sky with its jagged shards. Watching him walk away hurts so much more than it didwith Nayim, but there’s anger stoking in the hollow that remains in my chest.

How could he tell me he loves me, then abandon me all the same? How could he tell me it wasforme? If it’s for my sake, then why does it feel like I’ll never be okay again?

Why does everyone keep leaving?

I crumple to the wooden planks of the bridge with the railing at my back and cry, with only the roar of the waterfalls to keep me company.

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