Page 17 of Changing Tides

“No, Sophie. Just stop. I’ve got this,” he says curtly, holding up his hand. Then he walks back into Lucy’s room and sits down in the rocking chair. She is tense and starts to whimper, probably because she can sense the tension between us. He pats her back and whispers “shhh” in her ear. He clearly loves her, and maybe he is mad at himself right now. I just wish he would let me help.

“Liam, please. I want to help you both,” I try again, forcing myself to steady my voice.

“Sophie, I appreciate all you’ve done tonight, but I’m here now so please, I don’t need your help. Please just let me handle it.” He holds his hand up at me as if telling me to back off.

My lips are trembling. I am speechless at this point, and I don’t know what else there is to say. Obviously, Liam and I are not becoming friends like I thought we were.He doesn’t want my help.It stings. I suck in a breath, willing myself not to cry. I look at Liam, but he won’t meet my eyes. He wears a mix of emotions on his face—fear, frustration, sadness, shame, maybe. I can’t quite pinpoint it, but there is nothing more I can do if he doesn’t want my help. Without another word, and with one last long look at Lucy, I leave.

* * *

“What adouchebag!”Claire shrieks when I am FaceTiming her fifteen minutes later. “You know, the nerve of that guy. I cannot even believe he acted like that to you when you arehelping him! I am infuriated.” Claire props her phone up on her dresser and paces around her bedroom.

“I mean, Iwaspretty pushy about him letting me help,” I reconcile, feeling so silly now that I laugh at myself.

“So what? Youwerehelping him. You were giving him advice as a woman who knows a hell of a lot more about babies than he does!” She is yelling at me now.

“I mean, I’m not a mom so I don’t know how much I really know,” I mutter, feeling my typical self-pity creep up once again. Here I am, on a Friday night, miles and miles away from my best friend, my ex-husband, and mylife, feeling sorry for myself instead of doing whatever else I should be doing. I don’t know what that is yet, but it issomething. Who even cares about Liam?

“And he told you tolet him handle it!” Claire shouts ignoring my remark about motherhood.

Claire and Derek are DINKs. Double Income No Kids. They are choosing not to have kids and instead to embrace life together, travel, make a shit ton of money, and roll around naked in it, probably. So, while I know she empathizes with me and my journey toward motherhood—that has now abruptly come to a halt—I would say she doesn’t totally get it.

“You know what? I’m coming there. Tomorrow.Derek!” She shouts to another room, “I am going to see Sophie in Cape May tomorrow!” She is such a firecracker.

I love Claire; she is my best friend. My ride or die. She’s mad for me, but I also secretly think she misses me. “I think you’re more upset about this argument with Liam than I am. I hardly know the guy. I thought maybe we could be friends but now it’s just clear that I need to stay out of his way.” I kick off my shoes and lay back on the couch. “I mean, you can come if you want to but it’s a long drive.”

“I’m coming. You need some moral support. I should have been there already! You need me to kick your ass in gear and help you figure out what you’re going to do next.” She begins throwing things in a duffel bag erratically. “What’s the weather like there right now?” I laugh because shewouldask about the weather.

For the last weekend in April, it’s actually quite nice. I wished that I had shorts earlier in the week because it’s been in the 70s but cooler at night. I love it when there is a sea breeze. I can crack open the window in the cottage and smell the ocean all the way over here while I sleep. “It’s warm-ish during the day and cooler at night,” I tell her.

“Great. I’m leaving first thing in the morning. Book us a spa appointment for tomorrow afternoon or something. I mean it. Let’s get massages, pedicures, nails, really relax. Wait. Do you have space for me to sleep?” Claire is talking so fast I’m having trouble keeping up, but she already helped me forget how riled up I was when I called her so that’s a plus.

“I have a queen-size bed we can share, otherwise this super cool teal sofa.” I laugh, holding my phone up so she can see where I am sitting.

“Okay, great. We can snuggle.” She laughs. “I will see you tomorrow!”

“Bring wine,” I chirp.

“You know it! I’ll see you tomorrow.” Claire grins and with that, she’s gone.

I immediately go in search of a spa that will let me book online at 9 p.m. on a Friday night.

8

LIAM

Iberated myself as soon as Sophie closed my front door. The entire time I was refusing her help, I knew I was being a dick. The logical part of my brain was setting off alarm bells, but I couldn’t stop being irrational. The other reason is because I know Sophie is right. Idoneed help. I just don’t know how to ask for it and for some reason when she offered, it made me feel weak. I was just starting to think I am getting this parenting thing and today it seems like I’m back at square one. Lucy is dozing in my arms now, but I know I won’t sleep at all tonight if she’s as sick as Sophie seems to think. I stand up and place her in her crib; she stays asleep.

I head downstairs but find myself just standing in the kitchen, unsure what to do next. I glance over at Maggie who is camped out under my kitchen table. “Come on girl, let’s go outside,” I tell her, gesturing to my sliding glass door. She doesn’t move. “Maggie, don’t you have to go pee? Let’s go.” In typical stubborn golden retriever fashion, she continues to stare at me. I’m sure she heard the argument and is pissed at me too.

I reach down and slide her out by her collar and walk over to open the door. Only then does she walk out. I follow her out and look over the fence at Ellie’s house. It’s dark of course. The cottage is lit up and I can see Sophie on the couch in the window laughing at something. She’s absolutely beautiful when she laughs. She must reserve those smiles for people who aren’t unnecessarily rude to her.

For a minute, I think about going over and apologizing, but I can’t let go of my pride. I mean, I am the parent. I don’t need her unsolicited advice. Anyone who knows me knows what I’ve dealt with and that I’m trying my damnedest to do right by Lucy.Forget it. I don’t have anything to apologize for.

I watch Maggie sniffing around the trees that line the fence, and I am about to call her in before she picks up a dead bird or something when my phone buzzes in my pocket. It’s Melanie. I brace myself for a fight but the message only says:

Melanie: Even though it hurts, I appreciate you being honest with me, Liam.

I swallowhard and put my phone back in my pocket. I want to say the right thing and I know I’m not in the right mindset to do that. I flash back in my mind to the first time Melanie and I connected as more than friends, about a year after Cara passed away.

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