Page 18 of Changing Tides

We are at a house party in Lower Township. The houses here are on large lots of land. I don’t know whose house it is, honestly, but the party is a rager. Since I can’t cope with anything happening in my life, I am drinking heavily. There are about fifty people here and multiple kegs in the backyard with a huge bonfire. I remember doing a keg stand and not much else after that. I am stumbling around the woods when I trip on a raised tree root and fall. I lay there on the ground for I don’t know how long. I am starting to pass out when I hear leaves crunching nearby, and then Melanie is lying next to me.

“What are we doing?” she asks, looking up at the stars.

“Just…laying,” I say. I look over at her and feel her grab my hand and intertwine her fingers with mine.

“Okay. I will just lay with you,” she says, leaning her head on my shoulder.

Melanie strokes my hand with her thumb and forefinger. We are so quiet that I can hear her breathing. Before I know it, I am crying. Full-onbeer tears. Melanie knows it too, and she does nothing but continue to stroke my hand.

“Shhh,” she says. “You’re okay. You’re safe. You’re not alone,” she whispers to me.

“It is my fault,” I croak. I squeeze my eyes shut, remembering the worst day of my life. Iwas driving with Cara in the front seat, and Melanie in the back. Then we were T-boned by a large pickup truck at a four-way stop. The driver had been drinking. I saw him coming but it was my turn to go and it was his turn to stop. I saw he wasn’t slowing down. I thought I could make it or maybe I was showing off by putting the pedal to the metal, but either way, I was wrong. He ran the stop sign. A loud sob escapes me at the memory.

She wipes away one of my tears and puts my fingers to her lips, kissing them. “It’s not your fault, Liam,” she whispers.

I can’t say anything back but before I know it, we’re kissing.

Kissing was as far as it went that night, but through the years, our relationship got to be very intense. Both of us missed Cara in our own ways, and Melanie was the only one who understood the guilt that I experienced from that night. I have blamed myself ever since.

I think if you asked me back then, I would have told you that I loved Melanie. She took so much of my guilt and hurt and carried it for me. All she asked for in return was that I give her my heart, and I never could. If Cara had never died, I would never have gotten swept up with Melanie. I might have even married Cara. We were headed in that direction. I was going to play baseball at Duke University. Cara applied to their nursing program. We were in love. Our futures were bright…until they weren’t.

I let out a big, defeated sigh and call Maggie inside. I wander into the front room and look at Leah’s boxes piled high and not labeled well. My parents put everything together after Leah’s funeral. I couldn’t bear to help. It was too painful, so I have no idea where everything is. After three boxes of childhood photo albums, I find one that saysImportant Papers. I open it and find several file folders with Leah’s birth certificate and sadly, her death certificate. I feel something in my heart shift at the sight of it.

I find her military papers and IDs but nothing pertaining to Lucy. Finally in the third folder, I find Lucy’s birth certificate. I take it out and study it. Lucy Elizabeth Harper. Under mother it says Leah Grace Harper. The father line is blank. I knew the jerk took off when he found out Leah was pregnant, but she must've had no contact with him whatsoever to leave his name off the birth certificate.

The rest of the stuff in the folder is just Lucy’s baby footprints from the hospital, the “It’s a Girl'' card that they put on her hospital bed, and finally the discharge paperwork. I scan the papers and find a pediatrician’s name who checked her out in the hospital. Dr. Andrew Philips at Rainbow Pediatrics. There’s a phone number, so I call and leave a message on the recording. There is nothing more I can do tonight. I pack up the boxes once again and just as I’m about to bring Maggie up for the night, I hear Lucy crying upstairs. It sounds like she’s saying “Dada.”

9

SOPHIE

Promptly at 10 a.m., I am greeted by a car horn beeping excessively with the Spice Girls blaring in the background. I know immediately that Claire is here, and she made excellent time. I run out of the cottage and toward her car. She sticks her head out the window.

“I made it!” she shouts excitedly. She turns off the ignition and gets out of the car at the same time I get there. She throws her arms around me, and we squeal. “I missed you, Soph!” she says into my hair.

“I missed you too, Claire Bear!” I sniff. “Thank you for coming to see me.” We separate and I grab one of the duffel bags out of her trunk.

Claire hesitates before we head toward the cottage. “I drove by your house before I left,” she begins cautiously. “I wanted to see if it looked like James was still living there.”

I nervously chew on my lower lip. “And? What did you see?”

Claire takes a breath and reaches for my hand. “There were two cars in the driveway. James’ car and I guess the girl’s car? And a FOR SALE sign in the yard.” Claire squeezes the hand she’s holding. “I’m sorry, Soph.”

I exhale and nod. “I expected that, honestly. I’ve been avoiding his calls, but he’s been telling me he was going to list the house. I guess he didn’t need my blessing to do it.” I shrug, because what else can I do? “It’s really over.”

Claire nods sympathetically, her mouth turning downward in sadness. “It is. But you’ll be okay. I’m here.”

“Thank you,” I whisper and start walking toward the cottage.

Right then I decide we need mimosas with brunch.

* * *

Several hours later,I am laughing harder than I have laughed in a very long time. I didn’t realize how much I needed my best friend. We had brunch, walked around the Washington Street Mall, popped in and out of boutiques, and bought pretty things that we don’t really need. We walked on the beach, charged into the icy waves, and got ourselves soaking wet. Now, we’re sitting in the quiet room at Stillwater Spa, waiting for our massages, and we’re not being very quiet.

“Shh!” An older lady glares at us and points at the sign next to the door that readsRelaxation Room. Quiet Please. No Cell Phones.

Claire and I look at each other and giggle. I look at the lady and pretend to zip my lips and throw away the key. She turns back to her book, ignoring me. I lay back and close my eyes.

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