Page 23 of Changing Tides

Ellie: I’ll be home within the hour and you have some explaining to do, sir!

I can almost hear her voice admonishing me with that text message. I groan. I might as well own up to it. Ellie is the closest thing I have to a parental figure. She has helped me in more ways than I can count. I can’t imagine how disappointed she’ll be when she hears how I treated Sophie. Nonetheless, she has seen me do much worse, so I know once we talk, she won’t be mad at me anymore.

I let Maggie outside and peer over the fence line at the cottage. There are no lights on, there is no movement, and Sophie’s little white Mazda SUV is gone. I glance down at my phone. She still hasn’t texted me back. I am going to have to find a way to distract myself until she does.

I leave Maggie in the yard and go back inside to get my sketchbook. Before I build anything custom, I usually draw it. I have been thinking about redoing the nursery for Lucy. Her crib is probably as old as I am. So first on the agenda is a new crib for Lucy. I want it to be fit for a princess because that’s what she is. Drawing out my designs and building them in my workshop gives me a sense of peace and purpose. It helps me feel like I am contributing to the world and not just taking up space. I don’t get very far though because my phone starts buzzing again. It’s the Perry Street Boys group text.

Danny: Yoooo Liam, we met your girl Sophie last night. We hung out with her and her friend. She’s a cutie.

Jack: Not very fond of you though.

Miles: She doesn’t need to be fond of Liam, she’s fond of me. You don’t mind, do you, buddy?

Danny: Maybe he’s drowning in baby puke.

Jack: Maybe he’s drowning in Melanie.

Miles: That would work out great for me.

Me: What are you assholes talking about?

Danny: He lives!

I feelthe hair on the back of my neck stand up imagining my friends chatting up Sophie without me there. Even more so because of the way we left things on Friday.What did they talk about? Did she tell them she knows me? She must have.I decide I can’t show them I care.

Me: Where did you meet Sophie?

Jack: Oh so he does care!!!!

Danny: Rusty Nail last night. She was with her red-haired friend. Totally wasted. Miles was trying to tap that until her friend flagged her and took her home.

Miles: Yo I am a nice guy. I wasn’t gonna take her home.

Me: Stay away from her, Miles. She’s got baggage.

Jack: Sounds like someone is jealous to me!!

Me: Not jealous. I just know Miles.

I throwmy phone back on the table and try to focus on my sketch, but I can’t get Sophie flirting with Miles out of my head. If they hook up, I will lose my mind. It dawns on me like a freight train. I like her, but I also feel protective of her. Just thinking about her with Miles makes my blood pressure rise. I glance back at my phone—still nothing from Sophie.Nothing ever goes the way I want it to.

I stop sketching and put my head in my hands. I feel myself regressing again and I know I’m on a dangerous path. Even when Leah was still alive, I was still coasting along. Part of me wondered why she didn’t ask my parents to take Lucy while she was gone. But if I knew Leah, she wanted to give me the opportunity to rise to the occasion. Until now, I hadn’t surpassed anyone’s expectations for me, but caring for Lucy the past six months has kind of made me want to.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to forgive myself or fall in love, but I could try. I do think Cara would want that for me, and IknowLeah would love for Lucy to have a mother. But more than that, I could be applying myself more to the important things in life. I am going to fix up this old house. I am going to work on getting more jobs doing what I love, and in time, just maybe I can fall in love.

* * *

I waituntil the afternoon before I sheepishly drag myself over to Ellie’s and knock on her front door. I am holding a very happy Lucy as a peace offering. Lucy has improved so much in just twenty-four hours. She hasn’t had a fever all day and the rash that covered her tiny body is starting to fade. To say I am relieved is an understatement. I should have known better and seen the signs to take her to the doctor much sooner. I do feel more confident after talking to Dr. Philips though. He eased my concerns by letting me know that the first time a baby gets sick is hard for everyone. I know I’ll do better going forward.

Ellie swings open her front door, giving me an exaggerated scowl and then the biggest smile to Lucy. Lucy smiles back and reaches her arms out to Ellie who gladly takes her from me.

”Hi, Lulu!” Ellie coos. “Ohhh, my poor baby!” She cradles Lucy’s head to her shoulder and bounces. Then smacks my shoulder. “Why didn’t you call or text me? I would’ve taken one look at her and known you needed to take her to the doctor.”

I shrug. “I’m a stubborn ass, I guess.” I don’t have another excuse. I know I rely on Ellie for so much. I didn’t want to bother her on her book club retreat. She’s probably sick of bailing me out all the time.

“I left you for two days and you have made multiple women angry at you, so I don’t know about the stubborn part, but I am pretty sure youarean ass.” She turns to bring Lucy inside and I follow. She puts Lucy in her highchair and moves to fill the teapot. I plop down in one of her cushioned kitchen chairs and sigh.

“So, where should I start?” I ask her expectantly.

---