Page 26 of Changing Tides

I walk into the kitchen and pick up my little girl, snuggling her close. “Hi, Lucy girl. Thanks for letting me take a break,” I say to Ellie sincerely. “I didn’t realize how much I needed it until I woke up from a horrible nightmare about Cara.”

Ellie makes a clicking sound with her tongue as she reaches in the cabinet for some dinner plates. “You’d better call Dr. Stevens, Liam. These dreams coming back are not a good sign for you. You know how they have haunted you in the past.” She walks over to me, puts the plate in front of me, and then touches my shoulder. “You make me worry.” Her expression is grim. “I know what an adjustment the past six months have been. I haven’t exactly given you a lot of grace. But I am here for you, and I love you like a son. You know that, right?” Her clear green eyes meet mine, like she can see right through to my damaged soul.

“Yeah, yeah. I do. I love you and appreciate you too, Ellie. I don’t know where I’d be without you.” I clear my throat and wrap her in a sideways squeeze. This display of emotion is not comfortable for me, and Ellie knows it, but I guess she felt she needed to let me know.

She shifts her tone to lighten the mood. “Which is why,” she pauses and looks at me with an I-told-you-so expression, “I can tell you that you need to apologize to Sophie.” She walks over to the oven and pulls out the pot roast. Its aroma is heavenly, and my stomach growls again which makes me realize I really haven’t eaten much today.

I groan. “I mean, do I really have to talk to her? How much longer is she even going to be here? She’s already gone,” I huff, putting Lucy back in her highchair. I pull out my chair and sit down as Ellie places the pot roast in front of us. I pick up the toddler plate that Ellie took out for Lucy and start cutting up some pieces of beef, carrots, and potatoes for the little one to try. She is delighted when I place it in front of her.

“She’ll be back,” Ellie says, serving herself. “And when she comes back, you will apologize for treating her poorly. Sophie has been through a lot too. Things you wouldn’t possibly understand.” She takes a bite of her pot roast, and I know Ellie means business.

“Yes, ma’am,” I agree with a groan. We spend the rest of the meal eating in the comfort of familial silence and I count my blessings with each bite.

15

SOPHIE

Sunday dinner at my dad and Carol’s house is a regular thing most weekends. Usually, James and I would go, along with Simon and Laura and their five-year-old twins, Sammy and Sarah. Sometimes Carol’s sons Josh and Drew would come with their wives too, but rarely is it all of us at once. I am grateful tonight when it’s just my dad, Carol, Simon, and Laura. I am in a very delicate headspace, and I can’t take discussing the nitty gritty with everyone. In my mind, this is my last Sunday dinner for a while. I already cannot wait to get back to Cape May.

I pull up to the curb of my dad’s white rancher and walk up the front steps. My dad must have seen me pull up because he meets me at the door. He doesn’t even have to speak. He just opens his arms, and I fall into them. He rubs my back as I squeeze him tight.

“That bastard,” he mutters in my ear, and I can’t help but smirk. My dad is a man of few words. Although I have been staying here since I left James, he still hasn’t figured out what to say to me to help me feel better.

As we walk through the foyer, he squeezes my hand and says quietly, “I told everyone you didn’t want to talk about it. They won’t bring it up unless you do it first.” I smile at him sadly. While he may not know what to say, he is always thinking of his little girl’s feelings. His empathy is immeasurable. I want to cry thinking about how I won’t see him every week anymore. I hope he’ll come visit me in Cape May, but if he won’t, I will make an effort to see him.

“Thank you,” I whisper back. It will be a hard conversation, but I think I need to tell my family what is going on and where I will go from here. I am filled with gratitude again when Carol greets me at the kitchen door with a glass of red wine. Simon comes up behind her, takes it from my hands and sets it on the counter, and immediately wraps me in a tight bear hug. His hugs are so good that they are now referred to by most people as “Simon Hugs.” Happy or sad, they are a constant, and he has a knack for knowing just when I need one.

“I missed you, sis,” he says into my hair. “I’m going to kill that bastard.” Like father, like son.

At this remark, Dad smacks Simon on the back of the head. “You weren’t supposed to bring it up first!”

“Ow!” Simon laughs. “Sorry, sis.” He gives me a lopsided grin.

I smile and shrug. “I do have some things to talk to you all about so at least you broke the ice, Si.”

With our wine in hand, we gather around the kitchen island and a magnificent charcuterie board, something that Carol is known for. Periodically, the twins come running in and swipe some olives off the board with their grubby fingers, but for the most part, everyone is making small talk and waiting for me to address the elephant in the room. So, I talk. I fill them in on the day we signed the divorce papers, the 90-day waiting period, and how I took off for Cape May before the ink dried.

“I never liked him,” Simon growls. “How could he do this to you, Soph?” His eyes are sad, and he gives my arm a comforting squeeze.

“What will you do now?” Laura asks, who up until now has been quiet. “Well, that’s the thing. I’m thinking about staying in Cape May for a while. I could use a fresh start and I really can’t see myself staying here at Dad and Carol’s for too long.” I glance at both of them and force a smile. “No offense, you’ve both been lovely. I just feel too old to run home crying to my parents.”

“You’re never too old to come home, sweetheart.” My dad pats my hand.

“I know, it’s just…Cape May feels right. My landlord is so kind and I feel most at peace by the ocean.” I take a sip of my wine and wait for someone to speak.

“You always did love that place,” Dad offers, his voice hopeful.

I nod. “Yeah. I feel really close to Mom there.” When I say this, Carol gets up to stir something on the stove as if she feels like she is eavesdropping on a private conversation. I continue, “But the real reason is, I know I need to gosomewhereand the ocean is healing for me. I can’t stay here and risk running into him and his new girlfriend and baby.” I shrug half-heartedly. “I just need to get away for a while.”

“We understand, Sophie. Do what you need to do.” Carol comes around to my side and puts an arm around me.

“What about work?” Simon asks, always the responsible one.

“Well, I’m thinking of resigning completely. At first, I was going to ask for more time off, but I haven’t had many patients the past six weeks anyway and then I took these two weeks’ vacation. If I’m going to resign, now is the time to do it.” I hadn’t really thought this through until this very moment. On the way up here, I’d decided I’d ask for a leave of absence. But if I see myself in Cape May and that’s where things feel peaceful for me, then what is the point of prolonging it? I have only seen three patients virtually over the past seven weeks. I think the center will be okay.

Simon nods as if he understands, and then Carol puts a big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs on the table. Laura calls the twins in to eat, and the conversation seems to shift.

“My plan is to stay here tonight,” I whisper to my dad, “and then I’ll leave in the morning.”

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