Page 40 of Changing Tides

“I know, El.” I stand up from my position on the opposite side. “I just wanted to do something nice for you since you have been taking great care of literally everyone lately. Now it’ll be ready for you if you want to go get some new flowers.”

Ellie hugs Lucy and plants a kiss on the side of her head since I’m filthy. “Oh, Liam! Thank you. That means so much to me.”

I wink at her. “You got it.”

“How about I take Lucy inside for a bit? It’s getting warm out here and I am betting you didn’t think to put any sunscreen on her.” She gives me a knowing look, but the corners of her mouth curl up into a smirk.

A light breeze blows through the yard, and it makes Lucy giggle. Ellie and I smile at Lucy and then at each other. It’s the first time in a while that I am feeling optimistic. I know with Ellie’s love and support, Lucy and I will always be okay. It hurts me on some level that my own parents don’t reach out to me to see how we are doing. In some ways, I think my pain caused them so much pain that they don’t know how to look at me anymore. Losing Leah was the icing on the cake, and it’s just too hard for them to be close to Lucy and me. I wish it were different but I am so thankful for Ellie and my friends here.

“She seems to like it out here, but if you miss her company, you’re welcome to take her.” I steer the wheelbarrow full of topsoil and dump some in my now weeded garden bed. Then I get on my hands and knees to spread it.

“I think I’ll just take her in for a little while. I would hate for her to crawl away and you to miss it.” She stares at me, looking for my reaction.

I roll my eyes and smirk at her, “Ellie, I’m not going to let my toddler crawl away and somehow miss it,” I laugh. “Glad to see you have so much faith in me though.”

Ellie starts to walk back inside and then whirls around again. “Where is it you’re going tonight?” She cocks her head curiously at me.

I stand up, dusting my hands off on my jeans. “Probably just The Rusty Nail.” I raise my eyebrows with a slight uncertain tilt of my head. “It won’t be anything crazy,” I assure her.

Ellie looks like she wants to say something but then she closes her mouth, hesitating.

“Did you have something you wanted to add?” I bite back a smile. “You look like there is something you’re not saying,” I smirk, raising my hands innocently.

“It’s just… What did Doc say about alcohol and your stress levels?” Ellie winces as she says it and shifts Lucy to her other hip. Lucy pats Ellie’s cheek, cooing, and Ellie smiles down at her.

I’m quiet for a moment. I know she’s right. I shouldn’t be going out drinking when the nightmares are back and I’m under so much stress. I suck in a breath and nod. “Yeah. You’re right. He did,” I pause. “I just want to hang out with the guys a little.” I chew on my lip thoughtfully.

“You can go out and not drink, Liam,” Ellie says as if it’s the most obvious thing ever. “Go listen to the music and see your friends but hold back on the drinking.” She pauses and then, “It’s the only thing that is going to make it better right now,” she says quietly.

I groan and drag my filthy garden hand down my face. “You’re right. I’ll think about it,” I promise.

“Please do.” She gives me a smile over her shoulder as she walks away singing a song with Lucy’s name in it.

The thing is, she’s not wrong. I want the nightmares to stop, and I want to move forward in my life. For the first time, I want to get to a place where I can be in a relationship. Not just for me, but for Lucy too. I’m still not entirely convinced that I deserve it, but I know improving my well-being is the best way to get there.

I just have to prove it to myself.

23

SOPHIE

Iwalk quickly up to Lafayette Street, where we walked together last night, in search of Liam’s gym. It doesn’t take me long to spot the sign with black lettering that readsLOCALoutlined in red. I am frozen on the sidewalk for a moment, taking it in. This is not your typical gym where you may find group exercise classes, a sauna, or a locker room. No, this is entirely open air with nothing but groups of bulky men lifting, not a woman in sight. I am not sure if this place is exactly what I’m looking for. I’m busy hesitating out front when I see Melanie walk in through the open front doors.

She notices me too because she turns around, shades her eyes and says, “Are you just going to stand there or are you going to come in and work out?”

This is the push I need, so I follow her inside. She’s signing in at a kiosk at the counter when I walk up. The older gentleman working sizes me up. “Can I help you?” he asks.

“Hi… Yes. I just moved here. I’m looking for a gym membership.” I pause and look around. To my right is an assortment of cardio machines, ellipticals, stationary bikes, treadmills, and stair climbers. Further back where the meatheads are assembled appears to be various free weights and machines with bigger weights that I don’t know the names of. There’s a staircase to a smaller loft area where, when I look up, I am surprised to see a few women. I exhale and raise my eyebrows. “I guess you don’t have any group exercise classes here, huh?” I laugh nervously.

The man doesn’t laugh back but Melanie cackles from her place at the counter where she’s watching our interaction all too closely.

“Listen, lady, have you tried the yoga place up the street?” he offers.

“I have. I need something…different,” I say, looking around again.

“Well, this gym ain’t fancy. What you see is what you get. Take it or leave it,” he says. He turns away from me to answer the phone. I’m looking at the membership options and silently mulling them over when Melanie interrupts my thoughts.

“Sophie, right? Liam’s new neighbor?” She cracks her gum and leans on the glass countertop next to me.

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