Page 6 of Changing Tides

I ignore it. I’ve known these guys for thirty years, and like Melanie, they have seen me through my darkest days. I know they’re disguising a serious conversation with the cover of messing around, but I avoid it anyway. “Ellie has a new tenant in the guest house. I met her yesterday.” Everyone knows Ellie; she has been the neighborhood auntie on Perry Street since we were kids.

Danny and Jack look at each other with raised eyebrows. “A woman?” Danny asks with a grin. “Is she hot?”

Jack holds up his hand. “Hold on. The more important question is, is she single?”

I roll my eyes. “Guys, I don’t know. I met her for like a second. She was alone though.” I take a long swig of my beer. When I put it down and glance sideways, they’re both staring at me, waiting for more. “What? You asked what else is new. That’s about it these days.”

“Don’t tell Miles. He will sniff her out like he does every other newcomer.” Jack laughs.

Our buddy Miles is recently divorced and always looking for the next pretty lady to add to his bedpost.

“I don’t plan to tell Miles.” I roll my eyes. This town is small enough, especially during the offseason. Miles is a popular real estate agent in town—it won’t take him long to find her if she decides to stick around.

“Is she at least hot?” Danny asks again.

I shrug in mock resignation. “I mean, sure. Yes, she’s cute.” I give them a smirk. “I was trying not to gawk at her.”

I did look at her though, and sheiscute, even if she looks a little sad. However, if I am not dating Melanie, I certainly shouldn’t be trying to date the new girl in town either. I’ll admit, I want to know her story but it’s mostly out of curiosity. I only brought her food last night to benicebecause I was a jerk the other day. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

“Well, do better,” Jack scolds. “We want the scoop.”

I drain the last of my beer. “I’m sure your wives will be happy to hear that, ya filthy animals.” I stand up and push my stool in. “I gotta pick up Lucy before I take any more advantage of Ellie’s kindness.” I throw a ten-dollar bill on the bar for Melanie.

“Later,” Danny says into his beer.

“Bye!” Jack calls after me as I’m walking away.

As an afterthought, and so I don’t look like I am the jerk, I call back, “Tell Melanie I said bye.”

* * *

It isn’tuntil later that night, when I’m outside with my golden retriever, Maggie, that I allow myself to wonder about the pretty brunette staying next door. She has big woeful green eyes and long wavy hair. I bet she has a beautiful smile even though I wasn’t privy to it. Something about her face is so familiar and it’s bothering me. I am less curious when Ellie rents the cottage to young couples during summer weekends over pretty, single girls. It’s more than that though. I bet there is a lot more to her than a pretty face and sad green eyes.

Why do you care?I scold myself. This is ridiculous. I told myself that I’m going to focus on Lucy and my new role as her dad,notdating. Not Melanie, and not anyone else either. No matter how cute she is.

Maggie breaks my stare when she nudges me with her wet nose and her ball. I pat her head before throwing her ball.

Sometimes, I think it would be nice to share my life with someone though. Someone to wake up to, drink morning coffee with, and take a walk with the baby and the dog. But for that to happen, I’d have to really let someone in, and I’m not sure I’m capable of that. Even if I was, who would want me? I have a past that I’m not proud of and walls built up too high for anyone to want to climb.

Maggie comes galloping back to me with her soggy ball. She is two years old and thinks she’s a lapdog, even though she weighs sixty-five pounds. Most nights, she is the only girl keeping me company.I’m fine alone,is a regular pep talk I give myself.

These are the nights I wish I could sit out here with my sister. Leah and I would often sit together after Lucy went to sleep and throw the ball for Maggie, just talking about our days.

“Did you build anything good today?” she’d ask me, a twinkle in her eyes.

“Nah.” I would shrug. “Did you take anyone to jail?” I’d tease, nudging her with my elbow. Leah was a police officer when she wasn’t serving in the Army Reserves.

“Why do you always think I’m arresting people?” she’d ask, laughing. “It’s pretty uneventful around these parts.”

Then we would sit in comfortable silence or talk about something cute that Lucy did. I can practically hear her voice in my head still. Leah was my best friend. I miss her like words can’t describe. She was the person who never gave up on me. She never stopped believing that I would be okay, that I would find my footing again. I’m sure that’s why she left Lucy with me when she got called up. She knew I would rise to the occasion. Now, what I wouldn’t give to pick up the phone and call her. Sometimes I feel the same urge to call my parents, but the conversation is forced and often leaves me feeling lonelier than before.

Maggie nudges me again with a snort and forces her ball into my hand. “Okay, okay, girl. I bet you miss her too, don’t you?” I wrestle the ball from the strong grip of her jaw. With a windup, I throw the ball as far as I can. Maggie takes off excitedly and I shake the doggy drool from my palm. Days like today, I’m especially grateful for this dog. I might otherwise give in to my loneliness and make a bad decision, like call Melanie for some physical comfort. Maggie quells that urge for me with her earnest company.

The thought of Lucy having lost her mom makes my chest ache though. Maybe I need to try harder to find a wife or maybe even just a girlfriend. The problem is, I have too much baggage for anyone to ever accept me for who I am. I don’t like the person that I used to be, but I work every day to make sure I am never that person again. I can’t change what happened in the past, but I also know not everyone will accept it. I don’t let my walls down because I am so terrified of ever feeling that level of pain again.

I have pretty much given up on the idea of that real world-series kind of love. I must focus on learning how to be a parent. I can’t be a good dad if I am focused on dating and finding a mate who will accept everything about me.

I am just about to call Maggie inside when I hear the distinct sound of someone crying from beyond the fence. From my deck, I can see into Ellie’s yard. That girl Sophie is sitting at the café table. She aggressively wipes her eyes as she reads her phone, then takes a big swig of her wine before typing quickly. Her body language makes me grateful I’m not on the receiving end of whatever that is. Then, she picks up her belongings and marches inside the cottage. Now I’m not only wondering about the cute girl next door, but I’m also wondering whohurtthe cute girl next door.Just what I need.

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