Page 60 of Changing Tides

“Well, this was supposed to be quicker,” I retort. “Come on!”

Sophie opens the umbrella and I put my arm around her and lead us over to my house. The cracks of thunder won’t stop and when I walk inside, Lucy is crying. Maggie is sitting next to the pack-and-play with her head on the side and whimpering. “Oh girls, I’m sorry.” I run over and pick up Lucy, but she is reaching for Sophie.

“Let me take her,” Sophie says, grabbing Lucy from me. “It’s okay, baby girl.” She gives her a kiss on the head and my heart explodes.

I stand by watching the woman I love but can’t have, nurture my baby girl and I don’t know what to do with myself. “I think I should try to get Maggie to go outside before I change out of these wet clothes. Come on, Maggie.” I call her and for once she comes the first time.

“Be careful,” Sophie warns. She sits down on the floor with Lucy to play. Lucy is happy with Sophie, and I know I can’t take for granted that she’ll always be here.Unless I can get her to stay.

I know she won’t stay out there if I’m not with her, so I put Maggie on the leash and take her outside. We walk down the slippery deck steps and through the sloshy grass. She’s taking her sweet time because every time there’s a crack of thunder she spooks and runs over to me. “Come on Maggie, do your business,” I say impatiently. Finally, she squats to pee, and I am waiting for her to finish when the sliding glass door opens.

“Liam! Liam, come quick!” Sophie is shouting but I am having trouble hearing her over the rain. I grab Maggie’s leash firmly and pull her up the steps, running to Sophie.

“What is it?” I ask breathlessly.

Sophie’s eyes are glistening, she looks…proud? “She walked!” Sophie shouts, tapping my wet chest excitedly.

I push past her and inside the kitchen. I whip off my wet T-shirt and throw it in the sink, hurrying to Lucy.

I think I catch Sophie eyeing my bare chest. I feel desire creep up the back of my neck watching her check me out. She bites her lip and shakes her head as if she’s trying to clear it. “She decided she wanted a toy from across the room and she pulled herself up on my arm and walked over to get it.” Sophie clasps her hands together and holds them over her chest, bursting with pride.

“That’s so amazing!” I grin at Sophie, I want to pick her up and spin her around, but I know it’s best if I don’t. Instead, I run over to Lucy and pick her up, kissing her all over. “Yay, Lucy girl! Will you do it again for Dada?” I don’t even try to stop myself anymore. I am her dad, and she is my little girl.

* * *

I getLucy to take a nap later in the day. Sophie and I are sitting next to each other on the couch now, neither of us saying much. We played with Lucy on the floor in the dark all morning and I couldn’t help but envision us as a little family. There’s a lot that needs to be said and I’m not sure where to begin.

I clear my throat. “Do you want some food?”

She smiles half-heartedly. “Sure. I’m starving.”

“I’ll cook us something good.” I stand up and head for the kitchen. Maybe some time alone in here will help me get my head on straight. If we’re going to have the conversation, I am the one who needs to start it. I know that. I just don’t know how.

“Can I help?” she asks at my back.

I turn around and her face looks so hopeful I can’t say no.

“Sure,” I grin. “I’d love your help.”

I’m thankful the gas stove works with a lighter. We’re standing at the counter chopping vegetables for a stir fry and it’s comfortably quiet. I’m lost in my own thoughts about where we go from here. I take the cutting board I’m chopping on and scrape its contents into a sizzling pan. “I love stir fry,” I tell her.

She breathes in the scent of the onions sauteing and moans in agreement. “Me too. I love to cook.”

Of course she does. “It’s nice to cook with you,” I tell her genuinely.

She doesn’t say anything but that’s okay. I am working up the courage to tell her everything. I throw the rest of the vegetables and the chicken into the pan and toss with sesame sauce. I have my back to her when she speaks.

“Liam.”

The way she says my name comes out rapt with emotion. I turn around and see a look on her face that is a mix of pain and desire. Her eyes are glassy but her cheeks are rosy. She takes a few steps in my direction. I don’t say anything, but I put the spatula down and take a step closer to her.

“I miss you,” she finally says.

I breathe a sigh of relief. “I miss you, too, Sophie.” I step closer and wrap her in a tight hug. “I have missed you so much. I have no one to do yoga with.” I say into her hair.

“You’ve been going to yoga without me?” She pulls away and swats my shoulder, feigning annoyance.

“Hey, I’m trying to keep my stress levels down,” I tell her and pull her close again. “But I have been really sad about the way we left things.”

---