Page 9 of Changing Tides

I sigh. “I am. I know I should probably talk to someone to help me navigate this. I take for granted that this is what I help other people do.”

“Oh, Sophie, I don’t want you to feel like this is an ambush! Robert was over for our weekly breakfast anyway,” she says, glancing his way.

Is she mooning over him? Maybe Robert isn’t just a friend,I wonder silently.

“I just wanted to introduce you because Robert is a great friend to me,” Ellie says apologetically. “Please don’t feel like I’m butting my nose in your business!”

I don’t know why, but I feel my heart expand. Ellie seems to care about me in a nurturing way, the way my mom would have. My dad means well, but since my mom’s death, there are some things he just doesn’t know how to help with. Maybe an outsider’s perspective will help.

I do need to determine where to go from here. If I am being honest with myself, going back to Scranton is not appealing at all. Scranton isn’t a small town where I would constantly run into James, but I just feel as though there is nothing left for me there. For the first time, I’m starting to envision myself here in the long term.

* * *

I spendthe morning drinking coffee with new friends and playing with baby Lucy. Lucy is a joy on an otherwise mundane day in my post-divorce life. She seems to be enjoying herself as we play on the floor and when I push her on the swing at the park. Her giggles are melodic and contagious.

Ellie is more than happy to let me play a role, so after we feed her lunch, I rock her for her nap. She falls asleep in my arms, clinging to the collar of my T-shirt with her chubby baby fingers. I can’t bring myself to put her down, instead enjoying snuggling her for the duration of her nap.

Spending time with Lucy is becoming therapeutic for me, and I find myself smiling much of the day.

Back at home, I’m saying goodbye to Lucy when Liam enters the front door. “Hey everyone,” he says from the kitchen entryway. He eyes me holding Lucy but doesn’t move from the doorway. His greeting hangs in the air, and I don’t know what to say after hellos are exchanged. I move to hand him the baby, and he takes her from me, nuzzling her a hello with a peck on the head.

“I should be going…” I say awkwardly. “Thanks, Ellie, for a great day.” I give her a warm smile as I move toward the back door.

“Wait, Sophie,” Liam stops me by touching my arm. He moves it quickly but the place he touched is tingling. “Ellie says you’ve been hanging out with her and Lucy the past couple of days. It seems like Lucy is really comfortable with you.”

“Well, she’s an angel,” I say, gazing affectionately at Lucy. Then I meet his eyes and nod. “She’s really brought joy to me the last few days.”

He gives me a look I can’t read. “I was wondering,” he says, pausing in hesitation, “Ellie isn’t around this weekend. Is there any off chance you’d be able to watch Lucy on Friday night?” I can feel the heat rising up my neck from the way he is looking at me. I immediately think of the food he left on my doorstep, followed by the memory of the woman I saw him with this morning.

“Oh…sure. I mean, I don’t have much going on.” I force myself to look him in the eyes again.Poor lonely Sophie. He probably thinks you have no life.

My inner mean girl needs to shut up.

Liam smiles broadly. “Great! That’s great. Thank you. It’ll just be dinner and then I’ll come home. I won’t be long.”

I force a laugh. “Take your time. Everyone deserves a break once in a while.” As I turn to leave, my phone starts buzzing. Claire is calling me. “I need to get going but I will touch base with you tomorrow or Friday morning to firm up our plans.” Then I duck out the sliding glass door.

“Hi,” I say quietly, picking up the FaceTime on the deck.

“Where have you been? My goodness. And who is that fine-ass man behind you? It looks like he is staring at you,” Claire asks, laughing. I’m confused for a moment, thinking Liam followed me outside. Then I realize she can see through the sliding glass door, and he is standing right at the door with Lucy, watching me. The back of my neck tingles just knowing he is looking at me.

“Oh, that’s Liam, the neighbor. No, he’s not available. And no, I hadn’t even noticed,” I lie, indignantly. I have definitely noticed. “What’s going on?”

“Well,” Claire drags out her words dramatically. “You’ve been a little MIA since you got there. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” Since Claire and I work together, she’s not only used to talking to me every day, she’s used to seeing me daily too. We give new meaning to co-dependent friendships.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Ellie, my landlord, and the sweet baby Lucy she watches each day.” I sigh, walking down the deck steps. “It’s been sort of healing for me to take a step back and stop analyzing my next move constantly. Just sort ofbe, you know?”

“I get it,” Claire says nodding. “I miss you though. I guess I’ll just have to hang out with Derek,” she grumbles. Derek is Claire’s very loving and supportive husband of five years. They’re madly in love. And while I know she’s being playful about my return, Claire is much more impulsive than I am. She’d prefer I figure out my lifethereas opposed tohereand the sooner the better.

I plop on the patio chair outside the cottage and let out an exasperated breath. “I just think I need this time to figure out what I want now. I don’t know what my life looks like without James. I really thought we were a success story, you know? Like we may not have been able to have kids the traditional way, but I thought we had made it through some pretty hard stuff. I didn’t see this coming at all. Thirteen years is a long time to be married. It just goes to show you can think you know someone and beoh sowrong.”

My voice catches, and I force myself to swallow my grief. Even six weeks later, the weight of it all catches me by surprise sometimes. Maybe if I keep up a tough exterior, my heart won’t completely crumble.

Claire relents with a grim smile. “Okay, I understand. I’ll just have to man up and carry on without my bestie. In the meantime, you have some soul-searching to do, girlfriend. How many more days are you there?”

Claire can be a little pushy. I know it’s because she cares so much about me, but it’s only been four days. I haven’t even let myself start thinking about what’s next. She follows it up with a heartfelt, “I just want what’s best for you,” and I let it slide.

“I’m honestly not sure, maybe forever.” For the first time, I admit to the possibility out loud. I don’t hate the way it sounds but Claire probably does. “Want to come for a visit?”

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