Page 35 of Nightmares and Numerology

I gave him a look before I returned my attention to my sister. “The long and the short of it is that I’m not upset about it.”

Fifi and Roy appeared stunned.

“You aren’t?” she asked.

I shook my head. “No. It was an accident, and there are worse people to be tied to for life. At least Lydia’s smart, gorgeous, funny, and deliciously kinky in the bedroom. It could have been a troll like Ramona that I got stuck with. Or a literal troll.”

Fifi leaned forward, pressing the back of her hand against my forehead. I batted it away with a huff.

“What are you doing?”

“Making sure you’re not delirious with fever or something. Because it sounded like you said you’re a happily married man.”

I scowled at her. “Don’t test me, Fifi. I will scrap with you the way we did when we were kids. I still feed more. I’d kick your ass.”

“No you won’t,” Roy answered, giving me a frown.

“My God you are boring,” I managed in response.

Meanwhile, a broad, creeping grin had replaced Fifi’s confusion, and her eyes sparkled.

“You love her.”

I frowned at her. “Keep provoking me and see what happens.”

Fifi leaned back in her chair and laughed—not the exultant laugh I’d feared but a pleased one. She had every right to mock me for my hypocrisy.

“Fine, you grumpy asshole. I won’t poke you where you’re still tender,” she said.

“How does Lydia feel about this?” the only dud in the room asked.

“Embarrassed about the out-of-control magic. Scared and intrigued by her new form. She’s worried that I feel deceived.”

“Do you?” Fifi asked.

“Of course not. I knew her magic was unpredictable from the start.” I paused, smirked, and then settled on a much lighter jab. “And besides, to Mother and Father, it will look like I found a beautiful and powerful halfling to have my children. I’m still coming out ahead of you in their familial affection. I think it might be enough to weasel back into Father’s good graces if we do things the traditional way, as they’ve been urging.”

Fifi crossed her arms over her chest. “Participating in a fertility ritual and then trapping ourselves in a private ski lodge until we’re confirmed to be pregnant? It has too muchCro-Magnon vibe for my taste. I think I’ll stick to Sasquatch traditions, thank you very much.”

“Your loss. I’m sure your beastly groom-to-be would love to see some of the negligee our realm has come up with.”

I didn’t have to look up to know Roy’s interest was piqued. Any male regarded the stuff as decoration, easily discarded to get to the prize beneath.

It was Fifi’s turn to scowl. “Cheater. You just had to mention the ritual clothing, didn’t you?”

“I’m trying to help you. If you let Mother win on small issues, she becomes less insistent on the larger ones. Agree to a ritual now, and she won’t continually badger you about setting a date. If she has a guaranteed grandchild, you’ll have a free pass back into their good graces.”

“You call getting smashed, doing sex magic, and getting knocked up a small thing?” she asked, sounding genuinely outraged.

“No, I don’t,” I replied firmly. “I imagine it will be difficult for you at times. But don’t deny you want his child.” I said the words with distaste as I looked at the man in question, who seemed pretty happy at the thought of having children with Fifi.

Fifi sagged a little and nodded. “We’ve been trying. No luck so far.”

“Because you haven’t been home often enough, sister. You need to stimulate your magic. Thus, the ritual.”

“You manipulative bastard,” she sighed, but there wasn’t much anger in her tone now. “You’re probably right. I do need to make an appearance. Dad’s miffed that I missed the family events for three years running.”

“I’m glad you have next month’s agenda so well thought out. Now can we focus on the reason I actually came here?” I asked.

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