Page 58 of In Italy for Love

‘In you go,’ she said with a faint smile after opening the passenger door. Steadying him with both arms around his waist, she helped him drop into the seat, chuckling when she nearly tumbled into his lap in the process. ‘This car is not big enough for this,’ she mumbled.

His hand came up, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and settling on her cheek. Jules froze, her face inches from his. ‘The car is big enough forthis,’ he said with a sigh, resting his forehead against her jaw. ‘Jules,’ he murmured, his voice rumbly. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Shh,’ she said, trying to give him a soothing stroke that wasn’t too intimate. But the instant her fingertips found his rough cheek, she was thinking of the kisses in the car last night – the kisses by the city wall. ‘You don’t have to apologise.’

‘I wanted to spend time with you tonight. But I had too much wine,’ he said, blinking as he made an attempt to speak seriously, only to be undermined by his slurred speech.

‘It’s okay,’ she assured him. She drew back slowly, patting his cheek as she straightened and then closed the passenger door. Arco jumped into his spot in the footwell in the back.

When she came around to the driver’s side and plonked herself into the seat, Alex said, ‘It’s not okay.’ This time his voice was steady. ‘I’m scared of… anything with you. Maybe I got drunk on purpose.’

Her chest tightened and she ignored everything – his words, her emotions – while she fastened her seat belt and started the car. ‘At least you’re honest,’ she muttered.

‘I haven’t slept with anyonetwicesince Laura. I haven’t wanted to.’

‘I get it,’ she said softly as she started the engine and eased the car out of its spot.

‘No,’ he said, shaking his head floppily against the seat. ‘I haven’t wanted anyone except her. But I want you.’

Goosebumps whooshed up her chest and her foot on the accelerator faltered. Gulping, she kept her gaze firmly on the road ahead. ‘It’s nice to know we were that good together,’ she joked.

His deep sigh suggested he hadn’t been fooled by her tone. ‘If you weren’t leaving…’

Her heart seized up again. ‘Don’t even go there,’ she ordered in a panic. ‘I don’t live here and I can’t live here, especially not with you.’

He was silent and she glanced over to find his eyes closed, but his jaw moved and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. ‘Because Luca made you feel inadequate.’

‘Don’t make it sound so trivial. I literally have nothing because of him and the choices I made in that relationship. It’s a risk I can’t take again.’

‘Especially not for me,’ he mumbled with a shaky nod.

She opened her mouth to correct his misconception, to tell him she was worried he was the only one who could make her doubt her convictions, even a little, but then she realised he was probably talking about Laura and how much he still longed for her.

In that regard, he was right. She couldn’t take a risk with her life – again – for someone who wasn’t ready to commit to someone new.

Reaching the outskirts of Cividale, she slowed the car, pulling to a stop at the lights before the Ponte del Diavolo to allow the oncoming traffic over the narrow bridge first. The bell-tower of the cathedral was illuminated gold against the navy sky. The view of buildings clinging to the edge of the ravine was a sight that struck her with familiarity – and the little square where she’d first met Alex seemed to call to her gaze as the car idled and she waited for her turn to cross.

After a few tight corners in the narrow streets of the old town, she was peering up at the low archway and pulling the car carefully into its parking space by the unkempt gardens at the back of the Alex’s building. The spindly plants were browning off and wilting as the nights grew colder, the last few green tomatoes never to ripen.

Alex wasn’t quite asleep when she opened the passenger door. Gripping the roof of the Fiat, he hauled himself upright with a groan. Letting Arco out and locking the car, she wrapped her arm around Alex’s waist once more to shepherd him to the apartment door.

‘What I meant before…’

She wanted to stop him talking, but she didn’t have the heart to. Instead, she just cocked her head and waited.

‘…about you leaving. I would feel worse if you weren’t leaving. I’d be upset with myself for getting involved with you when Laura came first. At least this way, you’ll walk away from me. You deserve first love with a whole heart. But I just think sometimes that even I could love you better than Luca did. It’s not fair.’

‘Oh shit,’ she whispered to herself as her eyes stung with tears. Pressing the ball of her hand to her forehead to stem the urge to cry, her mind raced. ‘Of course you could,’ she said tightly. ‘But you won’t. You’re too stubborn for that.’

‘And you’re too stubborn to let me.’ He pressed a kiss to her hair and she was worried about her own balance.

‘And so, here we are,’ she said softly. ‘Not lovers, not friends – not anything. Future memories.’

‘Good ones?’ he asked, peering at her from under raised eyebrows.

She gave him a teasing shove. ‘Yes, good ones.’The best ones from all of Italy.

As she dropped him off at his bedroom door, ignoring the lingering look he gave her as he propped himself against the doorframe, she knew she was just as afraid as he was.

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