Page 80 of In Italy for Love

‘Dr Orsino will know what to do with the tests and immunisations and I can pack him up and get him on a plane to you when the time comes.’

She shook her head. ‘Alex, I can’t ask?—’

‘You’re not asking. I’m offering. Arco is already settled here. He knows me and to be honest, I won’t mind the reminder of you to hang on to a little longer.’

His words were a punch to the gut. Still reeling from seeing Luca, from being forced to confront her future and all the secret desires those things had uncovered – and now the enormous oversight of forgetting to prepare to get Arco out of the country with her – she couldn’t contain all the hurt she could already feel when she thought about Alex letting her go.

‘You’d rather have Arco as a reminder than me here right now,’ she accused, hating the bitterness in her voice. His browfurrowed in confusion and she realised she hadn’t explained herself very well. ‘That’s what you do, isn’t it?’

The bitterness dissolved slowly into bleak acceptance.

‘You hang on to things that have gone,’ she continued. ‘If I weren’t leaving, you wouldn’t know what to do aboutthisbetween us – you wouldn’t know how to let yourself be happy! I’m not blaming you,’ she said in a rush when he opened his mouth to defend himself – although he looked wobbly and his chest heaved. ‘You’ve lived through a real trauma and I think you’re dealing with it however you can. But you don’t know how to do anything else.’

‘I tried to explain?—’

She nodded slowly. ‘I see that now. We were only ever together because I’m leaving and it didn’t count as moving on – because you can’t let yourself move on.You’rethe ghost in this house.’

His sigh was long and shaky. ‘Maybe I am.’

‘I understand,’ she mumbled. ‘You’d rather be a ghost than let her go.’

He shook his head. ‘If I let her go, I don’t know what I’ll find. I’m a ghost anyway.’

She wanted to argue, but she knew there wasn’t any point. ‘You’ve been pretty real to me.’

Tugging off his glasses, he peered at her from beneath his brows. ‘Leave Arco with me.’

‘Another woman who leaves you with her pet?’ She laughed darkly.

‘I’ll enjoy having him. I’ll take him into the forest every day. It’ll do both of us good.’ He paused before adding, ‘The wayyoudid me good.’

Her eyes fell shut, a sting starting up behind her eyelids. ‘Alex,’ she began, her voice threatening to break, ‘if I leave him with you, it won’t be hanging on – not for me.’

‘Hmm?’

‘It would be an excuse to stay in touch – into the future, not hanging on to the past. I might start hoping.’

As she expected, he looked stricken at the prospect of allowing her to develop false hope – or keeping in touch. She wasn’t sure which, but her thoughts wound back to that first night when they’d agreed not to exchange numbers. So much had changed and yet nothing had.

‘Maybe Maddalena could look after him – or Berengario,’ she muttered.

He swallowed thickly. ‘I’ll look after him, Jules. I want to.’

‘He’ll miss you afterwards,’ she said, suspecting he saw through her statement to the truth:I’ll miss you – so badly.

‘I think that damage is already done.’

33

Julia’s last week in Cividale seemed to progress at double speed. Her mum managed to transfer enough money for a flight the following Monday. It didn’t feel right, leaving without Arco, but nothing felt right anyway. Dr Orsino assured her he understood the procedure and would make sure the blood samples and immunisations were sent to the right place at the right time. At least the six-month delay in transporting the dog would give her time to save up for the quarantine and flight costs so she wouldn’t have to borrow anything more from her parents.

After a boisterous discussion over lunch at Due Pini, where Berengario had so thoroughly bad-mouthed Luca that Jules had been tempted to laugh, he’d offered to take on the power of attorney for her and travel to Parma for the sale on her behalf. When she’d hinted that she might ask Alex, the old man had been surprisingly firm, suggesting Alex might not be able to take on the responsibility if the sale took too long.

She was uneasy for a moment, but Berengario smiled and joked that he could see the future – at least as he wanted it to be – and made a throwaway comment about the possibility of Alex going back to his real profession as a draughtsman that madelittle sense to Jules and even less to Alex, when she told him. But after an appointment with a notary, she was one step closer to tying up all her Italian loose ends.

Aside from practicalities, Jules and Alex avoided speaking about her departure, although she’d come to recognise the sheen in his eye when he was thinking about it. She didn’t want to go over the heartache again and again, but having the important topic completely off limits was a first taste of the complete withdrawal she’d experience when she left.

She wondered if he’d prefer sleeping in separate beds again, but every time she was about to offer, he grabbed her and held on.

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