Page 71 of An Italian Wedding Adventure

‘What?’

He gave half a shrug. ‘The people I know are used to taking risks that affect others. Normal people aren’t.’

‘One of the many reasons climbers aren’t normal,’ she said faintly, repeating what he’d told her years ago. ‘Does knowing she’s pregnant change anything for you? What if it was… your child?’

The lump in his throat expanded at her words. ‘I never… I’ve never thought about having my own child. I suppose for the exact reason that I thought itwouldchange everything.’ He paused, the storm gathering in his chest needing the outlet of words he might want to take back at a later date. ‘I don’t want to be changed.’

She studied him with eyes so steady and sensitive and sad that he was afraid to look into them for too long.

‘So you’ll understand if she wants to change plans and hold the ceremony at the reception venue instead – or somewhere safer.’

‘Of course. They can pledge their love wherever they like,’ he said drily. It was the wrong thing to say, because Sophie drew back with a nod and a withering smile.

‘What if they want to continue? Do you think it’s irresponsible?’

‘You’re asking me what’s irresponsible?’ He gave her a long look. ‘I’ve spent ten hours in the high altitude death zone without oxygen tanks. That’s the most irresponsible thing a person can do, according to my mother.’

Her shudder spoke volumes.

‘I know what I’m capable of myself, but taking risks for other people… I don’t have the faintest clue, Sophie. I’ve never had an answer.’

She must have heard his agitation in his voice, because she regarded him critically. ‘The answer is easier when your only consideration is yourself.’

‘Of course! How would you have felt if I’d said yes to your proposal,’ he began tightly, ‘and left immediately for Gasherbrum? One false step and it could have been me coming home as a corpse. How would you have felt?’

The question turned back on him, askinghimhow he would have felt on the Japanese Couloir, the wind whipping his clothes, snow up to his knees and his eyes peeled for signs of an avalanche, if he’d known Sophie was worrying about him at home, waiting for news. Everything seized up inside of him.

But her answer was even more terrifying. ‘Andreas,’ she began softly with a shake of her head, ‘how do you think Ididfeel?’

He couldn’t reply. His mind was too busy rewriting his understanding of the past – and how he’d underestimated the woman in front of him. She was the real daredevil. She’d risked her heart and he hadn’t understood. He hadn’t been ready for her.

‘I’m so?—’

‘Oh, not another apology,’ she said, swiping at her nose and shaking herself, as though that could hold back her tears. ‘My safety might occasionally be your responsibility, but my feelings aren’t –weren’t.’ She winced and ran an agitated hand through her hair. ‘So basically what you’re saying is that the decision is Lily’s, and Roman’s, to make?’

‘Everyone takes responsibility for?—’

‘—themselves on the mountain. I remember.’

When she peered at him in that moment, he was afraid of what she saw, as though she might be able to unravel the hurt and responsibility, drive and compulsion that made him the mess of a man he was.

He spoke before she could express any of those dangerous thoughts. ‘How about we take them out to dinner, the two of us and the two of them, and we talk it through?’

He would do a lot to receive more of those affirming nods from Sophie. Sneaking his hand across the table, he clasped hers and squeezed because he needed to touch her. He very much wasnotover her.

But he was at a loss to know what he should do about it.

* * *

‘Take some time to think about it, but from my point of view, we can proceed as planned. It’s not a difficult route and I can stay close and make sure you’re clipping in at the best place to minimise the risk of even a minor fall. You’re both experienced. But ultimately, you have to feel comfortable. There’s always the option of hiking up with your parents from the other side.’

Sophie watched him with half a rueful smile. There was something about Andreas when he spoke like that, smooth and low, that made everything seem possible. He could be gruff and even downright rude, but if he wanted you to feel safe, you felt safe.

The long day was catching up to her. Emotions always ran high during weddings, but usually, they weren’t her own. Although she’d been kidding herself for thinking this one would be business as usual when it involved Andreas and his volatile mix of danger and reassurance.

She’d been so naïve when she’d leaped without looking and asked him to marry her. She couldn’t help thinking he might not have realised how serious she was because she hadn’t appreciated back then how serious a question she was asking him.

Allowing someone into his heart was a fraught and difficult process for Andreas and she was beginning to understand why.

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