Page 79 of An Italian Wedding Adventure

He froze, his jaw working. He wanted to insist they weren’t together, that she wouldn’t feel anything, but after the past few days when he’d barely been able to stay away from her, Roman would never believe him. ‘I don’t know,’ he said, rather foolishly.

Roman eyed him. ‘You know life is short, right? You of all people should understand that.’

Knowing his voice wouldn’t work if he tried to say anything, he just nodded again. He experienced the fragility of life every time he scaled a rock face – every time he thought of his best friend.

‘I nearly lost Lily last year,’ Roman continued.

‘I know,’ Andreas replied.

‘It was awful. We’d just moved in together and we couldn’t agree on anything. I wondered whether we’d made a mistake, committing to each other. Then suddenly, she was lying in hospital instead of our bed and to be perfectly honest, I didn’t want that either. There was a moment I wished I’d broken up with her before it happened.’

Andreas flinched, more disturbed by the honesty than he would have expected.

‘But it didn’t matter in the end. It was too late. I missed the little arguments about the dishwasher. I realised it was her way of problem-solving and it worked and I missed how we were together. That sounds selfish, but grief is selfish. It has to be.’

That sentence was another punch in the gut. Andreas’s grief had been extremely selfish. He’d taken a lot of responsibility for Cillian and Toni, but that was practical responsibility. Emotionally… he’d not managed more than self-preservation since he’d feebly tried to reach out to Sophie and she hadn’t received his message.

God, what an idiot he’d been, blaming her for his own fear – his loneliness. He’d spent eight years trying to convince himself he’d been wrong to reach out to her, that he couldn’t have felt for her everything that he’d thought he had.

But he’d been right, the day he’d landed in Islamabad and realised – a few days late – that he should have married her, should have done anything to keep her in his life.

‘I was lucky,’ Roman said with a distant smile. ‘But I wish she hadn’t had to go through all of that before I realised how much she meant to me.’ He eyeballed Andreas. It wasn’t a subtle hint, but Andreas suspected subtle wouldn’t have been enough to punch through his tough hide. ‘Are you going to talk to her?’

He’d already done more talking than he’d known he was capable of. He thought of the bet, the gemstone that represented all his hurt pride and fear – and grief. He’d never cry at a wedding and he hadn’t intended to tell her those secrets.

But part of him wanted to, even though he was terrified of what would happen if he admitted how he’d felt when he’d left for Gasherbrum. The confession would be eight years too late. Sophie wanted a husband and a dog – and maybe a child, if that happened. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Maybe she wanted him enough to give him some time to think about those possibilities? Maybe she’d be there when he came back, even though it pained him to ask that of her.

He clapped Roman on the shoulder. ‘Let’s get you married first,’ he said gruffly. ‘She’d kill me for distracting her at work.’

‘And you think Lily and I are like an old married couple!’

* * *

Andreas was quiet on the drive back to Marniga in the Panda. He’d answered in monosyllables when she’d asked how the bachelor party had been. His expression was even grimmer than usual. Sophie tried to ignore him as she swiped through tabs on her device.

As she’d spend most of the day tomorrow up a mountain, she had to make sure the last-minute arrangements for the reception were in place. She’d spent the day collecting decorations and the wedding favours the couple had selected from a local artist, making payments and last-minute checks with the caterer and florist.

‘Have you sorted out the equipment?’ she asked absently.

‘Kira’s doing it now. She said she’d pack some stuff into your rental car, since we’re still on our way.’ Kira had taken the rental car back to Marniga earlier while Andreas had waited for Sophie to finish at the reception venue.

‘I’ll need to head up to the florist first thing tomorrow. I hope she’s left space in the car.’

‘I can drive you up.’

‘I need to leave at six.’

‘Six?’

‘I didn’t think that was early for you. It’s not a summit push leaving at 2a.m.’

He eyed her. ‘What do you know about summit pushes?’

‘There are things called outdoor magazines. Some of them even occasionally feature things about you that you don’t talk about.’

His lips thinned even further.

Sophie gritted her teeth and explained. ‘The collection time is so early because you insisted we need to start out from the hotel at eight. I had to make special arrangements with the florist.’

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