Page 28 of Boulder's Weight

I shouldn't have responded.

I shouldn't be forming connections here.

I should be planning my next steps.

Yet when his response comes, butterflies soar in my stomach.

I want company tonight.

The smart move would be to say no.

To push him away, to stay isolated and as untraceable as I can.

But God, I'm tired of being alone.

Tired of running, tired of looking over my shoulder.

Tired of having no one to talk to, no one to trust, no one who sees me as anything other than a shadow passing through their life.

Against my better judgment, I type:

I guess I feel like donating some time to charity tonight.

As I wait for Boulder to text back, I can't shake the feeling that I'm making a terrible mistake.

Getting involved with anyone, especially someone connected to the club, is dangerous.

But maybe, just for tonight, I can pretend I'm just Kelsey—not Cady Warlow, not the daughter who sent her father to prison for producing child pornography, not the woman running for her life.

Just Kelsey, a woman who's afraid of being alone tonight.

Just Kelsey, who, even though she’s trying like hell, can't stop thinking about the way Boulder looked at her the other morning, like she was something precious and mysterious all at once.

Just Kelsey, who's tired of fighting her battles alone.

I end up texting Boulder the address to my apartment, which I will tell him is an AirBNB or something.

The knock on my door comes sooner than expected, and my heart leaps into my throat.

I check the peephole, relief flooding me when I see Boulder's face.

As I unlock the door, I know I'm crossing a line I can't uncross.

Letting him into my space, my sanctuary, is a risk I never thought I'd take.

But when he steps inside, his presence fills the tiny apartment with a sense of security I haven't felt in months, I can't bring myself to regret it.

"Rough day?" he asks, those deep green eyes seeing more than I want them to.

"You have no idea," I reply, my voice steadier than I feel.

As I close the door behind him, locking out the world and its dangers, I know I'm living on borrowed time.

Sooner or later, my past will catch up to me.

Sooner or later, I'll have to run again.

But tonight, with Boulder here, I'll let myself believe in the possibility of something else.

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