WhenItry to move away,Sunnymurmurs a protest and backs up against me again.Itry again with the same result.Atthis rate,I’llfall off the bed ifIdon’t stop trying to get away.
With a sigh,Igive up and put an arm around her.Inever intended to spoon her, but here we are—Iguess we’re spooning.Shesighs happily and relaxes at last.Itlooks like this is the way we’re sleeping.
AsIlay there with her small, soft body curled against my own, much larger frame,Ihave a moment of post-nut clarity:Ineed to leave tomorrow morning and try my best to forget aboutSunnyand let her forget about me.There’sno future for us while she thinksI’mher big brother and it’s too late now to tell herI’vebeen pretending for two years.She’dfeel betrayed if she found out—Ihave to keep it a secret.ButI’mafraid ifIstay here,I’llend up wanting much more than she can give me.
I need to leave.
But, fuck—Idon’twantto leave!Dippingmy head,Icarefully press my face to her hair and breathe in her sweet scent.It’sfucking addictive but what is it?Isthere a trace ofWerein it?Idon’t know butIdoknowIshouldn’t be doing this—it only makes me want her more.
I fall asleep still arguing with myself butIknow whatIneed to do is say goodbye before something bad happens.
SomethingSunnywill never forgive me or herself for.
9
SUNNY
Ican’t believe he jerked off to me!
I lay there, quietly in bed, watching as he did it.Myeyelashes are really long soIcan keep my eyes cracked just a little and you’d never knowIwas awake.Butof course, it wasn’t my face my big brother was looking at.Itwas my breasts…and between my legs.
I let him look—Iadmit it.Ikept thinking of the booksIread, about how ex-cons come out of prison with these deep, sexual needs because they haven’t been with a woman in so long.Iwanted to help him meet those needs—at least, indirectly.Imean,Iwouldn’t have let himtouchme or anything, thoughIadmitIcouldn’t help watching him back.
I’ve never seen a cock as big as his—none of the boysIdated in high school are anywhere near that huge.Andas for my boyfriend,Charles, well…if you want to know the truth, he’s a little on the small side.NotthatIwas comparing him toKaneor anything.I’mjust saying…
Anyway,Iknow he’s my brother, which makes me feel all kinds of guilty for letting him look at my body while he got himself off.Butin another way,Ifeel like it’s the right thing to do—helping him when he’s so desperately starved for any kind of sexual release.
Besides, even though we’ve been corresponding for the past two years, he doesn’tfeellike my brother.Hefeels like a handsome, muscular stranger who came into my life just whenIwas wishing for a little something to perk me up.
I’ll be honest, things have been rough lately.Partsof my house are broken andIdon’t have the money to fix them.IsupposeIcould askCharlesfor a loan—hisDadowns a car dealership over inClariton, so he’s got plenty of money.ButIdon’t like doing that—Mommaraised me to be independent and that’s howIlike to stay.
Besides, things withCharleshaven’t been great lately.He’sbeen pushing me to set a date for the wedding—apparently his mom is bugging him for some grandbabies.ButI’mjust notreadyto settle down and start popping out babies.
And he hasn’t even asked me to marry him yet—Imean, not formally.I’mnot saying “Ido” until he gets down on one knee and offers me a ring.Itdoesn’t have to be anything fancy like a four-carat diamond—I’mnot greedy.Butit has to be something he put some thought into and so farIhaven’t seen any indication that he’s willing to do that.
I sigh and snuggle againstKane, pressing my back more firmly to his broad chest.WhenIfirst settled against him, he tried to move away from me—maybe thinking it wasn’t right for us to be so close.Buthe’s so big and warm,Ijust couldn’t help myself.
I don’t feel offended that he tried to scoot away—on the contrary, it makes me like him more.Despitehis sexual starvation, he was trying to act like a gentleman—Iappreciate that.Itmakes me feel safe with him.Thoughto be honest,Iwas already feeling safe.IfIhadn’t been,Iwouldn’t have let him look at me or offered to share my bed with him in the first place.
Some people might thinkI’mcrazy, trusting an ex-con, but those people haven’t readKane’sletters.They’reso deep and thoughtful andpersonal.Icould feel his heart in every line.Eventhough it was nothing but words on paper, it was enough to let me really know him…andIknow that he’d never hurt me.Butwhere do we go from here?Well, to be honest,I’mnot sure.
I don’t want him to leave—that’s the one thingI’msure of.IthinkIcan getCookieto offer him a job and of course he can stay with me.Iwant to help him get back on his feet and reacclimate to the outside world.
But for now,Ijust want to be close to him.Hesmells so good andIfeel so warm with his big body surrounding mine.
I might not have known my big brother for long, butIalready love him.Notlikethat, though,Ihasten to tell myself.Ilove him in the right way—thefamilyway.Nothingelse.
Secure in that knowledge,Ifinally drift off to sleep in his arms.
10
CONNOR
Iwake up early—even earlier thanSunny—and get silently out of bed.Ineed to leave and let her get on with her life, even though the thought of never seeing her again makes me feel like my heart is being cut up by a sharp pair of scissors.Still, it’s better this way.
I pull on my jeans and socks and work boots andI’mabout to squeeze into the too-tight black t-shirt again whenIhearSunnysay,
“Good morning, big brother.Andwhere do you think you’re going?”