Page 36 of The Probability of Us

“From what I remember, you didn’t need a bed to do your best work.” I smile when his eyes light up.

“I never said anything about a bed,” he says, leaning in to whisper in my ear. “And I know you well enough to know you’re stalling.”

He’s right. If I was going to go up to his room tonight, we’d be in the building by now, probably making out in the elevator. And I do want that, I want to go so bad, but it feels like I just survived a war and have come back to a life that no longer feels familiar.

He drops a kiss on my cheek, and the pit in my stomach eases. Because as much as I’m feeling like I’m ready to lean into whatever this might be, so much has been dumped on me tonight and I’d like time to process this before we take it further. Before this becomes real again.

“I really want to . . .” I start, my voice trailing off as I try to find the right words.

“But it’s a lot to process,” he finishes for me, and I nod, letting out a breath of relief. “I know, it’s okay. I’m sorry I brought it up so casually like that at the bar, I thought you knew about that part already.”

“How would I have known any of that?” I pull back and scrutinize his face.

“Because Trent knew,” he says, and I stop breathing. “I just assumed he would’ve told you.”

My teeth clink together and I’m seeing red.

Trent knew. Trent fucking knew and he never said a word. All those times I cried over Warren and thought he left because he didn’t want to be with me, and Trent knew he did. Trentknewhe wanted to marry me.

“I know that face.” Warren’s voice pulls me back. “That’s your scary face.”

“Sorry, this is a lot of information.” I try to smile but it’s hard. It feels like my life, for the past six years, has been a lie. I don’t know what to think, who to be most angry at.

“Don’t worry about it, go get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He lifts his hand to my cheek, and I lean into the touch.

Before he can expect it, I lean forward to kiss him and mumble against his lips, “Just make sure to think of me when you’re taking care of this.” I run my hand down the front of his pants, and he jolts.

“What do you think I’ve been doing the past six years,” he says before kissing me.

“You’re lying,” I mumble between kisses.

“Analise.” He pulls away to look me in the eye. “You’reallI’ve thought about for the past six years.”

“Oh, come on,” I say, eyes narrowing. “You must’ve been with someone else at some point.”

He shakes his head. “Not once. All I’ve wanted—want—is you.”

“Really?”

He nods and a fluttering feeling cascades through me.

“Is it bad that I’m happy about that?” I smile as his arms wrap around my waist and pull me into him.

“It’d be bad if you weren’t,” he says, laughing into my neck before planting kisses, but he stops after a few. “Have you?”

“Hm?” I sigh, feeling drunk on his kisses.

“Have you been with anyone?” The anxiousness is evident in his voice, but he quickly adds, “It’s obviously okay if you have, but I might need names.” It only sounds like he’s half joking.

I look him in the eyes. “I told you the first night, I never got over you. I couldn’t even think of anyone else that way.”

I tried dating. I tried putting myself out there again, but I never made it to a second date with anyone. No one compared to him, and he was all I wanted. One of the dates kissed me goodnight once and I went back to my place and scrubbed my lips with soap and water in tears, because I couldn’t remember what Warren tasted like and some random guy’s lips were the last ones to touch mine. It felt like I was losing him all over again.

“Good,” he says with a sly smile on his face. “Because the thought of anyone else’s hands on you drives me fucking crazy.”

“It’s sexy as hell when you get jealous.” I lean to kiss him again, wondering how I’m going to make myself walk away.

“Sexy enough to make you stay?” he teases with a kiss, and I laugh.

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