Page 53 of The Probability of Us

“Listen to me.” I wait until his eyes shift to mine. “You can’t change the past, but if you want any chance at a future, this has to stop. Yes, you hurt me, but it only hurt so bad because of how much I loved you. I could’ve stopped the hurt at any time if I stopped loving you, but I chose to believe in what we had. What’s happening right now, us reconnecting like this, wouldn’t be happening if I let go of us. I know you hate that you hurt me, I know you wish you could go back and do things differently, but let’s stop letting our past mistakes hold us back from reaching our future.”

Seeing this side of him is tearing me apart. I’ve always known how much he loved me—I’ve never questioned it—but we didn’t have these deep, serious conversations before. We didn’t share or show our emotions as unfiltered as this. The banter and joking that is the core of us has always been our way of showing how we truly feel, but this imperfection makes us feel more real now. It makes this more believable, less like a fantasy. Less like something that couldn’t possibly be true. I think it makes us better.

I can see the impact my words have on him, but he’s still partly lost in the past. I smile and pull on the other, teasing side of us for the rest, because both pieces together will make us whole.

“I guess I’ll have to bring bossy Analise out. You love listening to her.” I lower my voice into a sultry purr.

He smiles, the light coming back to his eyes as he steps closer to me. “And what does bossy Analise want?”

I smile and lean in to whisper just in case anyone else walks within earshot. “I want you to wrap your arms around me and kiss me. Kiss me until the only thing you can feel is how perfectly my body feels in your hands, how perfectly it reacts to your touch. Kiss me until the only thing you can taste is me; until all other tastes have been ruined for you because you only crave mine. Kiss me until the only thing you see is what you’re going to do to me tonight when we get home, until everything before this moment fades away. Kiss me until the only thing you know is that you are mine and I am yours.”

And he does. He kisses me slowly to memorize me, to claim me, to ruin me. His hands press against my back, barely moving but sending goosebumps across my body. He does exactly as I asked but he does it better than I ever could’ve imagined.

I don’t want him to ever stop.

Someone clears their throat near us and our lips part but stay separated by only centimeters. I’m breathing heavily, body still pressed against his, trying to regain the strength in my legs that he stole from me.

“Save it for your own engagement party,” Sterling says through a smile, although the intonation is anything but sunny. “Tonight is about me, thank you very much.”

Warren and I laugh, finally stepping away from each other but he keeps hold of my hand.

“Sorry.” Warren grins. He’s anything but sorry.

Sterling shakes his head, but he can’t stop his smile. “You’d think two people in and near their thirties would have learned better self-control. You two act like teenagers still.”

“Worse than teenagers if you ask Ali,” I deadpan, and he laughs.

“That’s probably true.” He pauses. “I’m sorry about Will, he shouldn’t have acted that way.”

“It’s okay,” Warren says, squeezing my hand. “It’s not like I didn’t deserve it.”

Sterling smiles and looks between us. “I am happy to see you guys back together though.” Then his face turns serious again and he adds, “Just not tonight.”

* * *

Throughout the night, I catch Warren talking to each of our friends one-on-one. I’m not sure what they talk about, but he looks serious. Maybe he’s apologizing for not reaching out, or just trying to catch up with each of them. But then, towards the end of the night, he approaches Will. I watch as they have an intense conversation, but at the end, Warren extends his hand and after a long moment, Will takes it.

I wonder what that’s about.

“He’s been going around apologizing and thanking each of us,” Trent says, answering my thoughts as he sits down beside me.

My eyebrows pull together. Thanking them?

He smiles and explains, “Apologizing for not reaching out when he was gone and thanking us for being there for you all this time. He’s changed in a lot of ways, but one thing that hasn’t changed is how much he loves you.”

“It hasn’t changed for me either,” I say, softly.

“I’m sorry, Analise,” Trent says, and I look over at him. “I should’ve told you, let you make your own decision.”

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.” I sigh. “I had so much pent-up anger and yelling at Warren wasn’t enough, so I took it out on you too.”

He chuckles. “It’s not like I didn’t deserve it though.”

“Oh, I never said that,” I tease with a grin. “I know you were only trying to look out for me, mother hen.” He laughs at the nickname. “But in the future, please don’t keep things from me. I promise I’m strong enough to handle it.”

He nods with a sad smile on his face. We sit in comfortable silence until everyone joins us at the table. Sterling and Will have been making the rounds with their guests and are currently at our table.

“So, Warren was telling me about this great idea you had at work that’s going to save the jobs of half the company?” Trent says, and I whip around to look at Warren who’s beside me.

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