Page 11 of The Probability of Us

“Analise.” He cuts off my rambling of why this isn’t a good idea. Or at least the reasons I’m trying to convince myself that this isn’t a good idea.

“Stop,” I practically scream, on the verge of tears. “You need to stop saying my name like that.”

“Like what?” He’s taken aback, completely unaware of what he’s doing, and it only makes it hurt more.

“Like you did back then,” I say as the first tears fall down my cheeks. “Like it’s a plea. Like it’s a promise. Like it’s a prayer. Like I’m your salvation.”

“I—” He shakes his head like he can’t comprehend my words, but his eyes tell me that he feels them. They reflect a deeper truth that he might not have discovered yet. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” I suck in deep breaths until I have better control of my emotions. “You’re here. We have to work together these next weeks. We can keep it professional.”

I don’t know who I’m trying to convince, him or me. Maybe the more I say it, the more likely it is to be true.

He still looks like he’s fighting an internal battle where both sides are taking severe casualties, but he follows when I start walking again.

“So, tell me everything about D.C. How do you like it there?” I break the silence after we walk halfway back without speaking.

“It’s amazing. It’s beautiful.” His face lights up in a way it never has when talking about Hartford. “In the spring, the cherry blossom trees bloom and it’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen. There’s this path along the Tidal Basin that passes the Jefferson Memorial, and the cherry blossoms form a canopy over the trail. You would love it. It’s breathtaking.”

“Seems like you have a new favorite season,” I say, softly.

He shrugs, one corner of his mouth pulling down into a frown. “Well, summer hasn’t been the same since I left.”

My body gets stiff. Each step feels foreign, like I no longer remember how to act like a normal person. Like his words have short-circuited my brain and stolen my ability to function . . . and my will to keep things professional between us.

Why is he saying things like that?Heleftme. He walked away from us and never gave us a chance to make things work.

What is happening?

“What happened to the company you originally went to work for out there?” I ask, desperate to shift the conversation to anything else. And because I’m curious. Vitality wasn’t a name I recognized, and I never heard that he changed jobs.

He glances over at me for a moment before answering. “I’m sure you remember that they had this incredible vision for the company, and that’s what sold me on them. But a few years in, things weren’t quite working out as planned and the company kept changing directions just to stay afloat. It wasn’t the same, and I didn’t believe in the direction it went.” He looks sad as he talks, and I remember how bright his smile was whenever he talked about it back then. “Peter was actually my boss there—it’s how we met. We both had the same vision for what we wanted to achieve, so we took a risk and tried to do it ourselves. It took us over a year to develop the business plans and get funding, but here we are.”

“And that vision is value-based care?”

“That vision is creating a system that puts the members at the center. That makes sure people get the right care, at the right time, for the right price. And when we saw the impact Transcend has been able to make on the markets it’s in with value-based care, it was a no-brainer to reach out and see if we could team up.” He stops walking with a laugh and turns to look at me. He runs his hand through his hair, leaving it only slightly messed up, but in a way that makes him look so much more attractive. “Why does this feel more like an interrogation than a conversation?”

“Because it is.” I cross my arms across my chest and turn to face him, trying to keep my boss bitch face on and not get distracted by thinking about running my hands through his hair. “I wasn’t involved in the negotiations or discussions for this deal, so I’m trying to figure out what your intentions are here.”

A smile pulls at his lips and he drops his voice. “Your dad asked me that too, the first time I met him.”

All of the air in the world disappears with the words. It feels like someone just took a knife and plunged it into my stomach. I’m gasping for air, clinging onto reality with a shaky grip.

He doesn’t know.

I mean why would he? I never reached out, even though it would’ve been easier to run back to the arms I always felt safest in when my life flipped upside down. Instead, I dealt with it on my own, because I’m not the kind of girl who’s going to beg someone to stay in my life if they choose to leave. I had assumed that someone would’ve told him over the years though. It’s a stark reminder that even though I had my friends, I didn’t have him.

Hands landing on my shoulders ground me and I look up to find wide eyes full of worry staring back at me. I step back out of his reach and take a deep breath.

“Just so you know.” I jump back to the previous conversation without explanation. “I don’t care that I know you. I’m going to do what’s best for my people and the company I’ve spent five years building into something I’m so fucking proud of.”

He narrows his eyes that are still full of concern, but eventually just sighs. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.” A small, sad smile rests on his face as he looks me in the eyes and adds, “I guess you finally found your thing in this business that you’re passionate about.”

I blink, flashbacks of that Labor Day, when we walked around the city, talking about our lives and why we chose this profession before we ended up on the hill in Buena Park where he finally asked me out, cutting in and out of my vision. He remembers that? I just nod, unable to speak and unsure what I’d even say if I could, and start walking again.

I keep asking him questions about his new town, his new life, even though every answer cuts right through me. But I want to know what he’s been up to, what he left me for, and I kind of despise the fact that it might’ve been worth it. He might love his new life more than he ever loved me.

I lead us back to the hotel the executives are staying at and his face twists in confusion when I start to say goodbye. “You’re going to walk the rest of the way by yourself?”

---