Page 63 of The Probability of Us

Before I exploded from the buildup of pleasure he wouldn’t follow through on, I flipped us over and took control. I don’t know if he wanted it to play out that way or if he was just too awestruck to stop me, but he watched me move on him like it was something holy.

That time, as I approached the edge, he sat up, placing one hand on my hip to help me keep my rhythm and the other into my hair to pull my lips to his. As he kissed me, both of us too far gone to be anything but sloppy, he whispered, “That’s right, take what you need. Take everything. It’s all only for you. You’re in charge.”

And I did. I took everything he gave, but I gave him everything in return so we both fell over the edge together.

Before we got off the bed to actually get ready to come here, he looked me right in my eyes and said, “I’m so fucking in love with you, Analise Summers.”

“I’m so in love with you, Warren Mitchell,” I’d said back. But as we chat with people at this party and everyone asks about Warren’s move, I have to excuse myself. The more I drink, the more my fears creep to the surface and my smile is slipping.

I walk into the kitchen, which is mostly clear of people, and search for a bottle of the good alcohol I know Sterling keeps hidden away and didn’t put out for this party. I’m pulling it out of the back of a cabinet above the fridge when Ali walks in and laughs at finding me standing on the countertop, balancing to reach what I’m looking for.

“Want a shot?” I ask, looking over my shoulder with a cheeky grin and grabbing two of the nice glasses when she nods.

I place them on the island and fill both, then immediately pick mine up, clink it against hers and take it. The burn as it goes down my throat is a welcome distraction from the hurt I’m feeling so I fill it again and take a second shot as Ali finishes her first.

I cough as I set the glass down. “Ugh this stuff is horrible, what is it?”

“Bourbon.” Her face twists like she didn’t enjoy it either, but her eyes watch me carefully. “Did something happen?”

“I just needed a break from hearing him talk about how excited he is to move and start his new job.” I sigh. “Iamso excited and proud of him—he deserves this—but I just don’t understand why he hasn’t asked me to come with him.”

“Hestillhasn’t said anything about it?” Shock flashes across her face but she tries to hide it because she knows it’ll hurt me, and it does.

I shake my head. “He still tells me how much he loves me, and I know it’s true—I see it, I feel it. Hell, there are still times I think he’s going to propose—we’re there, we’re both all in. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t at least bring it up if he felt that way. So, then I start to wonder if maybe I’m seeing us as something more than what we are. Maybe he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and this is his way to let me down easy.”

My lips start shaking and I regret the shots. I’m an emotional drunk and that’s not how I want tonight to go. I want to have a good memory of these last days together.

“I don’t think that’s what it is at all,” Ali says. Her eyes are sad, but I can hear that she believes the words. “You might not see it, but I promise you the way that man looks at you is evident of a man in love.” Her eyes shift to something behind me, and she smiles. “See, he’s looking at you that way now.”

I turn around and when my eyes meet his, I lose the ability to breathe. She’s right—there’s nothing but love staring back at me. There’s never anything but world-ending amounts of love when he looks at me, but with the extra weight of the bourbon running through my veins, I can’t smile like I want to. Instead, when I blink, a tear drops down my cheek and that’s all it takes for his face to twist in concern and him to part the crowd of people like the Red Sea on his way to me.

“He loves you, Ana,” Ali says and squeezes my arm before heading off to where Trent is.

When Warren reaches me, he threads his hand with mine and leads us off toward the guest room in Sterling’s place that’s off-limits to the guests of this party. If anyone saw us sneak away, they’d probably assume we were having a quickie in here. But if it got back to Sterling, I know Ali would tell him what was up. Because Sterling is the kind of friend who would come bursting into the room if he thought we were having a quickie in there to chastise us—not that we know first-hand, we’re notthatbad, although I’m sure everyone else would roll their eyes if we said that to them because wearepretty bad.

And if I’m willing to admit we’re pretty bad, that probably means we’re really bad.

“What’s wrong?” As soon as the door is shut behind us, he pulls me close but keeps far enough back to look in my eyes.

More tears fall and I curse the semi-drunk me who thought taking shots would help anything. I open my mouth and the words come tumbling out like an avalanche. “Tell me we’ll be okay. Tell me we’ll make the long-distance work. Tell me we’ll get through this.”

His eyes widen. “Analise.”

I haven’t brought my fears up to him because I don’t want to ruin his excitement. I don’t want to make him feel bad for even a second for taking this incredible opportunity. I don’t want him to feel bad about leaving Hartford behind, but I don’t want to get left behind either.

“I am so proud of you, Warren, and you are so deserving of this job.” I place my hands on his cheeks. “I just love you in a way that has become part of who I am. There’s not a single part of me that won’t be ruined if we don’t make it. I need you to tell me we’re going to be okay because I want youandI need you, forever.”

He kisses me, hungrily, desperately. He kisses me until we’re both out of breath and standing with our foreheads pressed together, breathing the same air.

“Analise, I promise you we’ll make it through this.” I almost drop to my knees just from those words, but he keeps me upright and continues talking. “You are my life. Since the first moment I laid eyes on you I haven’t wanted to look anywhere else. I don’t want to even think about what a life without you would be like—it would be cold and colorless. It would be lacking everything good in this world. I promise you we’ll be okay because I would be ruined too if we weren’t.”

I kiss him, overcome with happiness. He doesn’t want to live without me either.

But I’m too drunk to think about how his words all lead to the conclusion that he’ll ask me to come, but he still hasn’t. I’m too drunk to realize that he’s also had a lot to drink and might be saying more than he should. I’m too drunk to realize that I should be worried about how he’s going to keep these promises instead of just being happy he said them.

“How much longer until you take me home?” I whisper against his lips, letting myself fall into him and get lost in his touch.

“We probably should stay at least till midnight, considering it’s a New Year’s party.” He laughs and it feels like everything is right in my world when I hear that sound. “Are you tired already?”

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