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“Everyone does. It’s weird if you don’t.”

Throwing her backpack over her shoulder, she laughs. “Okay, then. I’ll try.”

After I watch her close her front door behind her, I continue to drive into town, turning down a side street to drive past the pet shelter my mom runs. I eye her car as I do a U-turn and head back to the main road. Then I drive past my family’s motorcycle shop, noting all my brothers’ cars out in the parking lot.Where mine should be, too.A new sign is hanging on the outside of the building, much larger, bolder, and brighter than the one that was there before. I hope that means business is going good for them. Tor used to send me text updates about how the shop was doing. He’d text me pictures of bikes that were scheduled for custom work, trying to entice me to come back to work my magic. I ignored his messages for months until he gave up. Now he just deposits money from the business into my bank account every month. Money I get because my last name is on the sign, not because I deserve it.

I donate most of it anonymously to my mother’s pet shelter.

I miss my family, but they’re better off without me there reminding them of all the heartache I caused them.

CHAPTER 17

Holly

The restaurant is dim with jazz music playing in the background. The tablecloths are bright white, the tables, chairs, and booths black wood. The floor is so shiny it’s like a mirror, and I don’t like walking on it. Everything feels expensive, and I feel cheap and out of place. Anna looks beautiful in her maroon wraparound dress, her dark hair falling in big, soft waves. I should have changed my clothes, but I didn’t because I didn’t know this was a dress-up type of night.

Apparently, everyone else knew, though, because even Zac and his friend John are wearing dark pants, light shirts, and jackets. Not jeans like I am. I’m seated across from my brother and his girlfriend, and John is next to me, on my right. To my left is the wall of the booth and a window. My eyes continue to shift to the window, trying to discreetly find the latch, but there isn’t one that I can see. Does the window not open?

Count to ten, Holly. You’re not trapped. It’s only dinner.

My hand strokes my purse as they chitchat; inside is my phone with photos of every page of all my fairy tales. Oh, it’s not quite the same as having the actual books with me, but it’s close enough to make me feel less afraid without them.

John’s leg accidentally brushes against mine, and I scoot farther to the left. A small person could fit between us now, but he still feels too close.

“We have news to share with you,” Zac announces, and Anna smiles shyly. “We wanted to tell you two first.”

I wonder how I became part of this special group, and while I like being included, I worry I can’t live up to such an expectation. John is Zac’s lifelong best friend. I’m a sister he barely knows. I begin to worry if I’ll react to the news appropriately. Silently, I pray I don’t hyperventilate and pass out. I wish Ty were here, sitting next to me, holding my pinky finger in his.

“Well, don’t keep us waiting,” John urges. “Tell us.”

“I’m pregnant,” Anna says happily. “We found out last month but wanted to wait to share.”

“Holy shit!” John exclaims. “Congratulations.”

I’m filled with all sorts of emotions and questions. I’m going to be an aunt. Will they still be moving to New York? Will they still want me to go with them? Will they let me near the baby? Or will they keep her away, like my mother does with Lizzie, afraid I might taint her?

I force my brain to be quiet, and I smile at my brother and his girlfriend. “That’s terrific. I’m so happy for you both.”

They clasp hands on the table. “We’re really excited,” Zac says. “Surprised, but excited.”

“How far along are you?” John asks. He knows the right questions to ask. I don’t.

“About twelve weeks.”

“This doesn’t change the plan, right?” John asks. “You’re still coming to New York to work with me?”

“Definitely,” Zac answers. “We’ll just look for a bigger place, that’s all. And Anna wants to look for a position that will allow telecommuting so she can work from home with the baby.” His eyes travel over to me, and he smiles. “I hope you’ll still come with us, Holly. You can help with the baby.”

Anna jumps in. “Only if you want to, of course. I’m not going to force you to be a babysitter if you live with us.” She playfully slaps Zac’s arm. “Don’t scare her off.”

“I’d love to,” I say quickly. “I’ve never babysat before, obviously…”

The waitress comes to the table and takes our order. As usual, I have no idea what I like, so I get the same as Anna orders because it’s easier than reading the entire menu and asking people to explain what everything is.

“I’m glad you’re coming to New York, too,” John says to me after the waitress leaves. “We’ll all have fun together.”

“Thank you,” I say, because I’m not sure how else to respond. “I’m looking forward to it,” I add for politeness. I’m a parrot. Repeating words I don’t even know if I feel.

Zac smiles at me across the table, and I get the nagging feeling that this was more than just a dinner with his sister and his best friend. I want to run to the ladies’ room and be alone for a few minutes, but I don’t want to ask John to move. That seems like it would be annoying, and that’s the last thing I want to be, so I stay there and keep counting to ten over and over in my head until it aches.

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