Page 26 of Tied

“I’m sure he would let you visit him, and you can go back and get him when you’re ready to have your own place. I’ll bet he would agree to that. He’s obviously not a bad person.”

“You can’t trust anyone, little girl. Evil can hide in anyone. You brought out the evil in me.”

“I guess you’re right. I just really wanted to keep him.” I hold Poppy closer, not wanting to let him go again. He’s the only friend I had for so long. The only one who loved me. Without him, I think I would have totally forgotten what any kind of good feelings for another living thing felt like. Without him, my entire world would have consisted only of fear, contempt, and survival.

“I can drive you there now, okay?” Feather offers softly. “I really think it’s for the best. You don’t want to get in trouble here or do anything to set back your therapy. You’re doing so good.”

Some days, Idofeel like I’m doing good. I feel strong and brave. Other days, I feel lost and unsure. “You’re right.” I let her help me rise to my feet. Usually, I enjoy her snarky side, but tonight I’m grateful to have this nicer, more caring side of her. My instinct has been to keep people at a distance, but maybe Dr. Reynolds was right when she said I needed to form friendships with people to help me heal and move forward.

“Let me just get my keys and send a text to let Steve know I’ll be a little late. We’re going to dinner tonight.”

I gather up the bag of pet supplies and my backpack while I wait for her to return, and when she does, I notice she changedher clothes for her dinner tonight, and she looks beautiful. Instead of her usual baggy hoodie, she’s wearing a V-neck sweater that shows off her thin waist and a small glimpse of the curve of her chest. The mere idea of a boyfriend still scares both of us, but at least she’s trying. Once a man has touched you in an inappropriate way, it’s hard to ever imagine enjoying touches or kisses.

“You ready?” She puts her arm around my shoulder, and I let her lead me outside.

Poppy’s tail wags nervously as we get into Feather’s car, and I’m pretty sure he knows things aren’t going well for me tonight. He’s always been able to sense my emotions.

Feather turns the radio up, and we don’t talk much after I tell her where to drive. Instead of staring out the window at all the trees, as I usually do, I spend the ride whispering to Poppy, telling him how much I’ve missed him, how much I love him, and that I’ll come back for him as soon as I can. I tell him to be the very best boy, as I know he always has been. His huge dark eyes stay solemnly on mine as if he understands every word, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he did. After all, I spent years talking to him as if he were a person, and I even talked for him, in a voice with a slight made-up accent, so we could have pretend conversations.

When Feather pulls over by the dirt road that leads to the path in the woods, she tells me she’ll wait in the car if I promise to be careful, but she also asks me to try not to be too long since Steve is waiting for her. The sparkle in her eye when she mentions his name makes me wish there were someone, somewhere, waiting and wanting to see me, but there’s no one.

“You’re my favorite toy. I count the days until I can get away and come play with you.”

Shivering, I kneel down and clasp the new blue collar and leashon Poppy before we start up the trail, so he can walk with me like a real dog with a real girl in a real life that we never had.

“You look so handsome.” I smile down at him, prancing next to me, and he wags his tail happily at me as we walk quickly through the woods.

Luckily, I find the small house again without getting lost, but he’s no longer sitting outside, so I have no choice but to go up to the house, lightly knock on the front door, and wait for him to answer. When he does, he looks startled and nervous, shaking his head so his long blond hair falls over half his face. Continuing with his silence, he takes the leash from my outstretched hand, not inviting me in.

“I’m sorry.” My voice wavers with a mix of restrained tears and anxiety. “The place I live… we can’t have dogs. I didn’t know.” I hand him the bag of dog supplies, and he takes it from me, our fingers lightly brushing against each other during the exchange, sending a shiver up my arm, through my chest, and right into my heart. He inhales quickly with a faint hiss, making me wonder if he felt it, too. “I bought Poppy some things. Toys and dishes and food and a bed. You probably already have those things, but maybe you could still let him have them? From me?”

He nods and sets the bag on the floor just inside the doorway.

Taking a deep breath, I gaze up into his bluest of all blue eyes. “Can you take care of him for just a little while longer? I’m moving with my brother in a few months. If he says it’s okay, can I come back and get him then?”

The words come out of me without conscious thought, and I wonder if that’s how life decisions are usually made.Just like that. All of a sudden, it just felt like starting over, somewhere new, with my brother and Anna would be best, and my choice was made.

He glances down at Poppy, then back to me and winks at me.The small gesture is unexpectedly affectionate, and in that fleeting moment, I see the ghost of who I am sure was young Tyler Grace. Playful. Incredibly handsome. Confident.Free.

A euphoric dizziness spreads through me. My knees weaken, and my empty stomach ripples with an odd, jittering sensation that has nothing to do with hunger for food.Wow. So being near the man of your dreams feels like a panic attack… only you never want it to end.

“Is that a yes?” I ask softly, still caught up in the dazed feeling.

He nods again, then holds up his hand, the one with the brightly colored tattoos all over it, with one finger pointed up. Confused, I wait as he disappears inside. He comes back a moment later and hands me a small piece of ripped, cream-colored paper.

This is his home as long as needed, says the note in blocky writing similar to what I’ve seen in comic books.

I look up to meet his eyes, hoping I don’t faint right here on his doorstep from this overload of strange feelings. “Thank you.”

He motions for me to turn the note over.

I remember you.

Written or typed words on paper have such an intense impact on me. Maybe because I lost myself in books for so long. Or maybe because we can keep them, read them again and again, and see the words whenever we need them. They can become new again, or be an old, familiar, faded memory. While I long to hear Tyler’s voice, this little three-word written note is something I’ll cherish forever and probably read a thousand times.

This time, I’m the one who nods, and an unspoken acceptance of sorts passes between us as his gaze stays on mine. He doesn’t breathe for a few moments, and then slowly lets out a steady breath.

I realize he expects me to look away with discomfort, andwhen I don’t—when I stare right back with what I can only guess is a mirror of his own expression of hesitance and pleading—a flicker of relief flashes in his eyes. His tongue slowly moves across his bottom lip, and I wonder if he’s going to say something, but he remains quiet. His eyes, however, continue to burn into mine with a myriad of emotions that I can feel but am unable to begin to describe.

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