Page 27 of Until the Ink Dries

Benjamin shook his head as he dug into his chili dog. We ate in silence for a little bit. I took the time to formulate the question I wanted to ask in the most respectful manner. I was curious how he ended up with Tierra, of all people.

“Just ask the question, Willow. I can see you over there about to burst a blood vessel from thinking so damn hard about it.”

I took a long sip of my slushie before turning to him. “Tierra… how did that happen? If you don’t mind telling me.”

“I mean, you’ve seen the bad so I guess I can tell you. Long story short, we linked up at Duke’s grand opening. One thing led to another, and Charlie was born.”

“So y’all were never a couple?”

“Nah. We almost weren’t parents. She wanted to get an abortion and I wasn’t with that. Charlie’s been with me since she was a couple weeks old. Tierra pops in when she wants to, but it’s been bad for the last couple of years.”

“Why?”

He was quiet for a moment as he took a sip of his drink. I could tell talking about it was stirring up emotions he was trying to keep at bay.

I grabbed his hand. “We don’t have to talk about it,” I said softly. “I know I’m being nosy.”

“Tierra is a functioning addict… at least, she was. It started with alcohol after she gave birth. I think she had postpartum or something. Now, I think it’s some other shit just by the way she acts. I have to beg her to even see Charlie anymore.”

I was quiet as I carefully considered the information he provided. This was a touchy subject, and I didn’t want to offend him. I wasn’t a mother, so my responses were limited, but I had to be frank with him.

“Can I be honest with you, Benjamin?” I asked quietly as I pulled my hand away. “Now, you might ask me to leave or put me out after I say this. This is just me looking in from the outside.”

He sighed. “Go on.”

“I understand being upset with Tierra about your daughter. I get that. But… and this is just my opinion… why beg her to be a mother to a child she stated she didn’t want? If I were a Charlie, it would hurt me more to have her pop in and out of my life than it would to never have her around at all. You can’t miss what you never had.”

For the longest time, he was quiet. This seemed to be his thing. I wasn’t trying to be harsh, but that was something he had to consider. After a good minute, he finally spoke.

“First, I wouldn’t put you out for no shit like that. You kept it real with me and I respect that. In the sense of keeping it real, I’ve told myself that a million times. My parents have told me that. Hell, Jordan and Duke have told me that, too. I get it. But, my head and my heart ain’t on one accord with that shit because my baby deserves a mother, a good mother.

“She’s a special little girl and my heart won’t accept the fact that her mother… the woman that carried, nurtured, and gave birth to her, doesn’t want her. That shit will never sit right with me. I’ve offered to pay her to spend time with our child. I’ve offered to take her to rehab and pay for that shit. I’ve—” He paused and took a deep breath. “I’m trying to fix this shit for Charlie and I feel like I’m failing her. I can’t do that.”

He said all of this without looking at me. He was vulnerable, and I could tell he wasn’t used to that. Reaching out, I cupped his chin and turned his head to face me. When his eyes met mine, they were a tad bit glossy.

“You aren’t failing her,” I said, gently. “I know that because I hear how much you love her in the way you speak about her. I know you’ve given her the best version of yourself from that alone. As a girl who loves her daddy with her soul, I can promise you that you are enough for her, Benjamin. You just keep being her superhero… her own personal fire-breathing dragon. Kids recognize the people that are there for them. That’s what truly matters. I haven’t even met her and I know you’re doing a great job. Just hang in there.”

I didn’t give him a chance to respond before I wrapped my arms around him in a hug. When he didn’t pull away, I knew he needed it. He rested his head against mine for a moment and inhaled deeply. I held the embrace about thirty seconds before I broke it and attempted to lighten the mood.

“Now,” I said, reclaiming my seat. “Since our friends ditched me and I had to leave the reunion early, you have to be my entertainment. Entertain me.”

He smirked as he picked up his chili dog. “The only entertainment I have for you isRaya and the Last Dragon.”

“I’m cool with that.”

He eyed me. “You’re serious.”

I stood and grabbed my food. “Yep. Come on over here and put it on.”

I heard a low chuckle from him as I sauntered into the living room.

“This damn girl.”

The bright lights from the window and the ache in my neck reminded me I hadn’t made it to my bed last night. I opened my eyes, then looked over to my right to see Willow cuddled up against me. At some point during our movie night, we had fallen asleep. I couldn’t remember the last time I had just fallen asleep with a woman or allowed them to stay over my spot.

But for some reason, this woman was playing with my senses and my mind. Not to mention, I never told anyone as much as I shared with her. This town was small enough, and they knew their fair share without me helping to add more shit to it.

I closed my eyes briefly for a moment and I felt her move, so I looked back down at her. She looked so free, like all her problems didn’t exist; I watched as her eyes slowly peeled open. She immediately covered her mouth, obviously checking to see if she had morning breath. I held back my laugh with a smirk as I silently watched her move from my arm. Oddly enough, I missed her warmth that quickly.

---