Page 90 of Knot That Difficult

“The girls are coming over tonight to have dinner with us,” Tammy says as she seasons the roast. “Just them, though. Not their packs.”

I nod. “Okay.”

The sound of sizzling and the scent of bacon fill the air. “I cooked this the first time I met Hunter,” Tammy says fondly. “He helped me with it, just like you’re doing.”

Hunter is one of April’s packmates—he, River, and Ben all get along well. Hunter is a bit wild, just like…

At the thought of Ace, my stomach sours.

If I eventhinkabout them, I have the terrifying urge to cry.

“I usually only make this on special occasions,” Tammy adds, stirring the bacon in the pot as it cooks. “And for the people closest to me.”

I do my best to give her a smile, but I’m sure it looks as wonky as I feel.

She and I have been busy this week—we’ve been working at the café, taking care of the subscription boxes, and I’ve been showing up in the early hours of the morning to bake.

This is the first day both of us aren’t working, and it’s the first time since I left my apartment that I have time to acknowledge what’s happened.

I have a pack, and I left them.

I have a pack, but at what cost?

Why did I have Ace bite me in that parking garage?

Why did I encourage Ben?

Why did I beg Connor to do it, too?

“Dev,” Tammy calls. “Just breathe, honey. Everything is all right.”

“Everything isnotall right,” I croak, tears spilling down my cheeks. I put the knife I was using to chop the carrots down and sip at the iced coffee she made me. “I…I messedup.”

“No, you didn’t.” Tammy is so cheery and confident with her response that it makes me second-guess myself. “Everything is fine, Dev. It might just take you a while to understand that.”

I slurp my iced coffee and sniffle. “How can you be so sure?”

Tammy pauses her stirring to look back at me. “Because my other girls have been through this, and you’ll get through it, too.”

My other girls.

My heart warms at the way Tammy talks about me.

I wipe away a stray tear, chug another sip of coffee, and continue to cook with her.

She doesn’t ask probing questions—in fact, we keep the conversation light. We don’t mention…them.

I’ve ignored every one of their texts and calls. I told Ben I needed space, and he just nodded with a somber expression.

He tried to apologize, but I stopped him before he could.

I was the one that screwed this all up, not him.

He still hasn’t stopped texting me, though, even if it’s just to say good night and good morning.

Ace and Connor are the same.

They text every day too, but I’ve stopped reading their texts, because it all hurts too much.

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