Page 116 of Unfix Me

I was nosey enough to consider checking on him, but I let Savannah pull me into the kitchen. My eyes were wide as I watched her load up enough snacks to feed the entire football team. I was pretty sure ninety percent of it was for West.

Chapter 38

Kai

When the door closed behind Sen, I returned my attention to Dad. He was already looking at me, his dark green eyes shimmering a little. I blinked, trying to avoid following suit, but it didn’t work.

I moved to sit on the couch beside him and crossed my legs in front of me. He just waited for me to sift through my thoughts. He was always patient like that. Even when he was angry, he made himself take a second to breathe and think about what he wanted to say because words said in anger couldn’t be taken back. Whether you meant them or not didn’t matter; they still hurt the other person. Somewhere along the way, I made it a habit as well.

“Maybe I can stay longer,” I offered.

He immediately shook his head. “I know Mom’s gone over this with you a hundred times, Kai.”

“But you’re here. Right in front of me and youknowme.”

“And it won’t last. We’ve prepared for this for a long time.”

My chin wobbled and a tear slid free from each eye. “I miss you, Dad.”

He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me against him. I couldn’t hold back my emotions anymore. Clinging to his shirt, I sobbed against his chest.

“I miss you,” I repeated. “Please just let me stay.”

With a sigh, he dropped his chin to my head. “If I could take away your pain, I’d do it in an instant. I’m so sorry that you hurt because of me.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It doesn’t matter. This is too much for anyone. It’s one of the cruel twists of nature.”

Sniffling, I pulled back. His eyes softened as he reached out to wipe the tears from my cheeks.

“Listen to me,” he said. “I don’t know how many more coherent moments I have left in this life, Kai. But this one right here is all I need. It’s going to exist wherever my soul flies to when I’m gone. That look in your eyes and in Sen’s is the only part of your future I was never willing to negotiate on. If I could stay forever, I’d trade anything for it, but I can’t. And I’m not sugar coating it because I know I raised you to be strong.”

“I don’t know if I can be.”

“There’s no debate. You are strong, but don’t forget that it’s okay to be tired sometimes. You have Sen and West. Let them be there for you like you’ve been for them.”

“Please…” I whispered.

“No, Kai.”

I hung my head, too tired to argue. It wouldn’t do any good anyway. This was part of the plan we’d built my whole life. I would go to college, no matter what happened. I could’ve lied and said I didn’t want to go at all, but they would’ve seen through that.

“I like Sen,” he noted. “He has a good head on his shoulders.”

“That’s such a dad thing to say.”

“I am, in fact, a dad.”

“When you have a kid, does the dad personality magically zap into your body or is it acquired slowly?”

He chuckled and readjusted the blanket. “It varies. Me? I was born like this, but I’m a special case.”

“Yeah, a special nut case,” I muttered.

Pulling me in for another hug, he drew in a long breath. I closed my eyes and committed everything to memory.

“It’s time for you to get going. I’m going to need a nap anyway.”

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