Page 19 of Unfix Me

“Bullshit. You’re amazing.”

“You’re biased. I’m nice but also a dick. It’s a combination that doesn’t work for some people.”

“Well, if he hates you, then we hate him.”

I punched him in the arm, then dodged when he tried to return it. “We don’t have to keep the same friends.”

“Whatever. Race me.”

He took off and I followed suit with a swear. Moving to the outer edge, we picked up speed. Since it was only us and some of the football team in here, there weren’t a lot of people to avoid crashing into. West was in front of me but not by much. He laughed loudly as he neared the starting point. Forcing myself to go faster, I nearly caught up to him, but he angled himself so that he was in my way. Once he passed the finish line, he slowed and spun around, letting himself glide backward.

“Reigning champion!” he shouted.

“Let’s have a race on foot. I’ll leave you in the dust.”

“Sure, but today… Today, I’m the winner, so fuck you, Adler.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You know that I hate you, right?”

He pushed off the ice and stopped in front of me. His hands came up to squish either side of my face together.

“You don’t hate me.”

“I do,” I garbled through the compression.

“You’re just jealous that I’m a better skater than you.”

Grabbing his wrists, I pulled his hands away. “Sure. That’s it.”

“You could use some practice. In the meantime, I’m gonna try to coax that one away from the wall.”

With a wink, he headed toward Sen. I had a feeling that wasn’t gonna go the way he wanted, but he was a stubborn bastard.

I started skating again, slower than with West. As I weaved back and forth, I let my mind drift. As usual, my thoughts were about my dad. He was the one who’d taught me to skate. He told me that it was good to have a versatile set of skills when it came to sports. It taught me balance and agility, which was the same reason he put me in gymnastics.

Later, when I was fourteen, he told me that the biggest reason he had me try all of those things was so that I could decide which I liked the most. He never would have forced me to play football if I didn’t want to, even though he loved it. It really didn’t matter what I chose because he was happy to do all of it with me. He was good at everything. The best, really.

When my eyes began to burn, I blinked a few times and headed toward the exit. I skidded to a halt in front of it, then stepped out. I grabbed my phone from my backpack and sat down on the bench. After I tore off my skates, I rested my elbows on my knees.

Kai:How’s Dad?

Mom:Stop worrying so much.

Kai:Please.

Mom:He’s okay. He would wish you a happybirthday if he remembered.

Kai:I don’t care about that.

Just tell him I love him, okay?

Mom:I will. Go have fun.

Dropping the phone into my lap, I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes. I wanted to enjoy my birthday, but it was almost impossible when each of my past ones was clouded by memories. They were good memories, but even those hurt because I knew that I wasn’t sharing them with him. They’d just keep slipping further away from him, only thrown in at random points and making him more confused. His mind was a beast that was working against him, eating itself into oblivion.

Somehow, memories were becoming a bane for those of us who could recall them freely. Everything I enjoyed about my life was clouded by my dad. The things I liked about myself were the ones that he created. I carried so many pieces of him and every time I turned around, I had to face the harsh reality. Memories wouldn’t die with him. They were fracturing while he was very much alive and he didn’t even know it half the time.

I missed him. I didn’t want to come here, but my mom convinced me I should. It’s what he wanted. The other reason that she wouldn’t say aloud was that she didn’t want me to feel the pain of seeing him deteriorate. She was taking it all on and I hated that, but I also loved her for it.

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