Page 27 of Unfix Me

He launched into the equivalent of a lecture about ‘recovery’ and ‘maintenance’ of the program. When he suggested that I look into attending workshops, I started to tune out. It sounded like he wanted this to become a major part of my life. Good things took effort, he said. So did forcing something bad.

If I voiced any of my true thoughts, he’d probably try to send me directly to another camp. Maybe this place was screwing with my head already. Or the distance from my parents had upset some pre-established balance in my life.

Was this a midlife crisis at twenty?

“Do you have any questions?” Derek asked, bringing me back to the present.

“Nope. I feel good about what we talked about.”

“Alright, let’s go ahead and schedule your next session. Does this time next Friday work?”

“You can’t expect me to come here every week.”

His eyes widened. “Well, your father-”

“I’m not a child.”

When I got to my feet, he followed suit. I felt anger rising again, but I didn’t know why I felt so reactive right now.

“What would work for you, Sen?”

I paused beside the door. “I need to check my schedule. Between work and school, I just don’t know yet. I can call you, right?”

“Of course. Do you have my-”

His voice was cut off when I shut the door behind me. I burst into the hallway, breathing as if I’d just run a mile. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest that I swore I could hear it.

This was so dumb. I was overreacting, clearly. It was just a therapy session.

I punched the button for the elevator, then thought better of getting in a tiny box. Holding onto the banister, I took the stairs down to the main floor. My field of vision seemed to pulse and I had to stop for a second to reorient myself.

Air. I needed air.

Once I was outside, I realized that all of the added stimuli might make it worse. Still, I was glad to be out of the building. I had this lingering fear that he would run after me and make me call my dad to tell him how shameful I was.

Leaning back against the wall of the building, I ran my fingers through my hair. It took a ridiculous amount of time and measured breaths to get myself to a place where I could think straight. This anxiety was getting out of hand. It had always been there, but this was worse.

There was no way I’d be able to walk back in this state, so I ordered a ride and put it on my dad’s card. He wanted me to come, so he could pay for my transportation. It was the least he could do after putting me through that nightmare.

He told me to see how I felt about it. I came, I saw, I had anxiety. If he wanted me to go again, he’d have to fly out here and drag me into that office by my hair.

Chapter 10

Kai

People-watching was underrated. Maybe it was creepy, but I enjoyed imagining what they were thinking about or where they were going. If they were having a conversation, I made it up in my head. Sometimes, it was funny. Really, what was the difference between this and watching people on my phone? One was fabricated while the other was organic and, once in a while, it was raw.

From my place at my bedroom window, I could see most of the courtyard. Right now, I had my eyes on a man and a woman who were walking languidly underneath the cherry blossom trees. They looked mostly content. I wondered if they knew each other well or had met recently. Maybe this was a sort of date. Internally, she could be screaming for somebody to save her.

His hands waved through the air as he spoke, probably about the horror that was the live-action Dragon Ball movie back in the day or how there should be age limits to run for office. I agreed with both of those things, so I could be projecting my own thoughts.

There was a girl sitting on one of the benches and every so often, she lifted her head and looked around. Was she waiting for someone or was she being forced to meet with someone here so that she could plant a bomb in the library? It could be anything.

I continued scanning the area for something interesting. My eyes caught on a familiar face storming through the courtyard. His hands were balled at his sides and as he drew closer, I could see his mouth moving. He must’ve been on the phone unless he had a habit of talking to himself.

Sen’s face looked as tense as the rest of his body. The conversation must not have been about his interest in dirt bikes. I bet he looked significantly happier when he was on one of those.

He threw his hands in the air just before he was out of sight. I moved away from the window and cracked my door, not enough that he’d notice. After a minute, I heard his voice coming down the hall. He sounded pissed.

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