Page 33 of Unfix Me

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I quickly exited out and dropped my phone. I shouldn’t be trying to justify what was going on in my head. As soon as I started noticing these thoughts, I should’ve run to Derek. Weekly appointments were probably what I needed. I was sick and sick people got treatment.

Is it a sickness, though?

That was what they said. My dad, my mom, the camp, Derek… Who gave them the authority on these things?

I thought about Travis again. His urges killed him. He kissed me, told the counselors, endured the ridicule and shame at our next lessons, and then he killed himself. That was what we’d face in the real world and we’d never feel right. That was my future if I went down this path.

My head hurt. I grabbed my meds along with some ibuprofen. After washing them down, I shoved my arms through the straps of my backpack and headed out the door.

I stopped when I saw Kai’s door open. West walked out and shut it behind him. I let out a breath when nobody else left the room.

“Hey,” I greeted, continuing down the hall. He fell into step beside me.

“What’s up, Sen?”

“Class in ten minutes. It’s starting to feel monotonous.”

He chuckled, but it was less exuberant than usual. “That’s what a schedule does, I guess.”

“You’re right. Maybe when I get a job, it’ll be better. Nobody has called me back, though, so I must be less impressive than I thought.”

“Positive thoughts, buddy. They do wonders.”

“Coming from the one with his tail tucked between his legs.”

He offered me a small smile. “Even the best of us can’t put on a brave face at all times.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

After he considered it for a moment, he shook his head. “That’s why I was with Kai. He always knows what to say.”

“I believe that. He’s oddly wise for his age.”

“He had a good teacher.Hasa good teacher.”

I felt the somberness weighing heavily in the air. West and Kai had known each other a long time, so it was fair to assume that he knew Kai’s dad. The idea of losing someone, not to death, but rather a slow illness that changed them to such a degree, was horrifying. I think I’d rather be dead, which might have been a terrible thing to wish for, but the alternative made me shudder.

“Hopefully they let you play in the next game,” I said to change the subject.

“Yeah, I hope so. I hate sitting on that bench.”

“If you were out there, those fuckers wouldn’t have scored at all.”

His expression lightened at my words. “You’re goddamn right. When Porter gets benched, I’ll show him what it means to be a winner.”

“That’s the spirit.”

“Hey, Kai said you were a quarterback in high school.”

I couldn’t help but grimace. “Yeah, I was.”

“Do you want to practice with me?”

“When?”

“Now.”

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