Page 89 of Unfix Me

“The depression ones?” I clarified.

He looked embarrassed when he nodded. I perched my chin on my hand as I watched him carefully get dressed.

“How long have you taken them?”

“Uh, since just before I came here. I had some… dark moments.”

“Do you think you still need them?”

“What do you mean? I don’t think it just goes away.”

“I’m not at all shitting on the validity of depression, but it’s not always a chronic issue. Sometimes, it’s born entirely out of your circumstances.”

“You think I don’t need them?”

“Only you can decide that. I don’t know… If you’re having relationship problems or a parent is sick, you can experience strong bouts of depression. If you’re living your life for others and not yourself, not doing the things you enjoy, it can affect you in a lot of negative ways. You have a hell of a lot going on and you’ve been dealing with this internalized hatred for yourself for a long time. Therapy can be helpful.”

He nodded slowly, considering what I’d said. “That kind of gives me hope. When I started taking them, I had this fear that I’d be stuck on them my entire life. Maybe there’s a light at the end of the tunnel after all.”

“I hate tunnels.” Scooting to the edge of the bed, I grabbed his hips and pulled him closer. “Let’s take the scenic route.”

“With you, I’ll go anywhere.”

And just like that, my heart no longer beat for my sake. It beat for Sen.

*****

“Of course he can come,” Mom said.

There was a big smile on her face that had been there since I called to tell her more about Sen. He said it was okay if I wanted to talk to my parents about him, which felt like a big step. It might’ve helped that I asked him after we had a quickie in the locker room, but it counted. Everyone was more agreeable after really good sex.

“I don’t know if he’ll come,” I noted. “I haven’t asked him, but the thought of him staying here for Christmas makes me feel sick.”

“I love how big your heart is, Kai. Especially when you’re in love.”

Biting my lip on a smile, I typed on my laptop. My phone was propped on the bed so that we could talk while I multitasked.

“I never said I was in love.”

She chuckled as she leaned closer to the camera. “I’m your mother and I can see right through you. What sort of things does he like?”

“You’re gonna get him a gift, aren’t you?”

“Shh. It’s a surprise.”

“Mhm.”

Clicking on the website, I scrolled through the first page. There were smiling faces, all fabricated and meant to draw you in. Success rates, which were definitely fake. Locations. Sen had mentioned Texas, so I navigated to that page.

“He likes to read horror,” I said. “His favorite show is Dragon Ball Z. Surprisingly, he’s really into astrology. He’s a Leo and a cat person.”

“I can work with that. West is coming, right?”

“Yeah. He’s been really worried about Willow.”

“Tomorrow, I’ll drag her over here for dinner. I’ll kidnap her if I have to.”

“Thanks,” I laughed.

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