Page 98 of Unfix Me

“Hey, Dad,” I said, forcing some cheer into my voice.

“How was the flight?”

“Fine. Just normal flying.”

He gave me a curt nod before he grabbed my suitcase and put it in the trunk. My mom wasn’t in the front seat, which felt strange. Part of me thought I should get in the back, but that would be weird, so I opened the passenger door and awkwardly got in.

“Where’s Mom?” I asked when he’d pulled onto the freeway.

“Busy getting things ready.”

“Things?”

“Dale and Samantha got in last night. Grandma will be here tomorrow.”

My stomach soured at the news. “They never come out here for Christmas.”

“Don’t act so excited to see your family, Sen.”

I bit down on my tongue and stared out the window. This was a mistake, but there wasn’t much I could do about it now. My ticket to Maine wasn’t until the day after Christmas, which was a week and a half away. I was well and truly stuck in the lion’s den and I had a feeling it was going to get worse.

As we pulled into the driveway, the house seemed more imposing than when I’d last seen it. It was like something had flipped in my brain since I left this place and now I could remember all of the bad parts. The fights when my dad thought I wasn’t doing good enough. His anger when I wanted to quit football. I stayed on the team so that I wouldn’t cause any more problems. When I begged him not to send me back to Dumont the second year, he didn’t care. All I could think about was Travis and his dead, swinging body in the bathroom. I was scared it would be me that year. I barely spoke to anyone that summer because I knew that if I started to like them, I’d be punished.

It was like a movie playing in my mind. Things I’d glossed over or been made to think were normal. Problems that I was blamed for. I didn’t realize how much wasn’t my fault. Ever since I was thirteen, I was punished for a perceived crime and I fucking believed what they said about me.

Tearing my eyes away from the garage door, I rounded the car and grabbed my suitcase. I headed into the house, immediately aiming for the stairs. My dad said something, but I didn’t know if he was talking to me. I didn’t really care.

I was here. That was what he wanted from me. I wouldn’t talk about being gay or how happy I was because that didn’t matter to them. They’d rather I hate myself.

Kai told me I should be disappointed in them. I was. Now that it struck me, that disappointment was morphing into anger.

When I got to my room, I shut the door behind me and immediately fell to my knees. It felt like I’d just run a marathon instead of climbing the stairs. The blue walls taunted me. It wasn’t even my favorite color, but it was the one assigned to boys, so I thought it was good enough when I picked it out. I’d rather be surrounded by red or orange.

Or green. I wouldn’t have picked that one until recently.

I thought about calling Kai, but his flight was longer, so he’d probably landed not too long ago. I didn’t want to interrupt his time with family, especially since his dad was sick. He’d been in Seattle for longer because of football and I knew how much he missed them.

Instead of calling him, I called West. He wasn’t flying out until Sunday because he forgot to buy his ticket at the same time as Kai.

“Sen,” he shouted, making me pull the phone away from my ear. “How’s my favorite piece of man meat?”

I grimaced. “Not great, honestly. You got a minute?”

“I have all the minutes. I’m bored out of my damn mind. What’s going on in that gourd?”

“Are you high or is this just your personality?”

“You’ve known me long enough to answer that question.”

I laughed a little, which helped immensely after that tense car ride. “Apparently, my aunt, uncle, and grandma will also be here.”

“Damn. Is that a bad thing?”

“If it ends up being some sort of intervention, yeah. It seems weird they’d fly out from Texas now of all times.”

“Pack a bag and run away. If you suck a trucker’s dick, I bet he’ll get you back here.”

“West.”

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