Page 135 of Defend Me

“Ah,” I mused. “That’s where the maniacal laughter came from.”

“Matches your maniacal energy.”

“Mm.” I lifted his chin and licked across his lips. “What can I say? You make me feel feral.”

“This was hotter than I expected.”

“Agreed. Why isn’t everyone doing this?”

“Because they’re prudish and don’t have crazy boyfriends who aren’t afraid of public sex.”

As he got to his feet, he seemed light, perfectly content. I admired his body while he gathered his clothes off the ground.

He was slim, but he wasn’t thin in the way he was self-conscious about. When he moved, I could see the lean muscles in his abs and arms. He really wasn’t much smaller than me. I just had more definition and a couple inches on him. The way his pelvic bones jutted out more as he stretched his arms was absolutely delicious.

He didn’t know how beautiful he was and that was a damn tragedy.

“You’re ogling,” he noted.

“I’m allowed.”

The rain had turned to a drizzle, not that it mattered since everything was fucking soaked. It was hard to even stay on my feet.

“Fuck,” I groaned. “I can’t get my jeans on. They’re too wet.”

“Looks like you’ll be walking back in your briefs,” Tilian said.

“I may have no shame, but I don’t think it’ll garner support if your parents know exactly what happened out here.”

He shrugged. “We’ll say we went for a dip in the lake. Swimming in the rain is a whole vibe.”

“Then, you have to be half-dressed too.”

“Fine, but only because I’m super into you.”

His words struck something in me. Now that we’d done this, all of my worries resurfaced. Sex had never made me attached, but now it made me feel like he’d wrapped himself around my heart.

I didn’t have a leash on him and the uncomfortable truth settled into my bones. He could leave. If he saw too much of me, if he knew the things I’d done, as recently as a few weeks ago, would he walk away?

When I didn’t say anything, he moved closer to me. His hand slid into mine, bringing me a sense of comfort as we headed toward the house. “You okay? You look distant now.”

“I’m not.”

“Why can’t you answer a simple question head-on?”

I stopped and turned to him, forcing a neutral expression. “I like you and I don’t want you to back out.”

His eyes softened and it made my chest feel tight because against my better judgment and despite the likely outcome of the future, I wanted to keep him. Forever, if he’d let me.

“That being said,” I went on, “attachments can be dissolved just like any feelings. Time can heal them or you simply cut them out. I can’t control your decisions and I sure as hell won’t sit around and wallow pointlessly. I’ll do what I do best: move on.”

“You act like you can just control your emotions however you want, but they’re not a case to win, Brooks. You said that I caught you off guard, which is why you’re here, doing this with me.”

I took his hand and started walking again. “You did, but I didn’t have to move forward with it. I could have, and probably should have, moved on.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because there’s a difference between being able to and wanting to. For once… I guess I decided to do something that’s entirely for me. When I was at my lowest point in a while, the person I wanted to see was you. It wasn’t for sex or to drown myself. It’s the way you make the quiet more bearable.”

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