Page 137 of Defend Me

“Mm. Maybe I’ll take bites, then.” I demonstrated on his nipple, making him let out a little yelp.

“This is the stupidest thing I’ll ever say, but we can’t do this.”

“You’re right. That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.”

“I may love to disappoint my family, but I don’t need them to know what I sound like when I cum.”

“How else am I gonna ignore my problems if you don’t let me fuck you?”

He frowned and I released his wrists so that I could continue to drag my lips down his abdomen. When I was just above his dick, he sat up and tugged on my hair. It woke all of my frustration and anger and agony; all the things that weren’t his fault, but I still locked my fingers around his throat and took away his air. He didn’t have a chance to suck in a breath, but he didn’t struggle. After he released my hair, he put his hand on my chest.

“You’re saying I can’t suck your dick?” He shook his head. “Or eat your ass?” A choked whimper squeezed out of his throat. “Or fuck you when we’re in an actual bed?”

His index and middle fingers traced my lips, then my cheekbone. Even though I was keeping him from breathing right now, he continued around my face slowly. My eyes closed as he buried his fingers in my hair again. This time, he didn’t pull on it. He just brushed through it, over and over.

I didn’t realize I’d loosened my grip until I heard him inhale. He never gasped for breath after I choked him. It was like he didn’t feel afraid or desperate from the lack of oxygen. He just drew in long, steady breaths until they could even out again.

“I’ve never let anyone touch my hair,” I said.

He smiled softly. “What do you really want from your future?”

“You already know what my plan is.”

“Tell me the truth.”

I captured his chin between my thumb and forefinger. “I don’t know what to tell you. That’s the truth.”

“I want to unbury the real you.”

“This is the real me.” When his lips thinned, I bit down on my cheek. “It’s not important.”

“It is to me.”

“Fine. One question and I’ll answer honestly.”

“No clever Fae tricks to skirt the truth either.”

“Boring, but okay.”

“What are you most afraid of?”

I dropped my hand and blinked a few times. “Failure and perfection.”

“Those are two things.”

“And there’s no in-between. If you’re not perfect, you’ve failed in at least one way. You have no choice but to exist within one of them. They’re mutually exclusive, which makes them both terrifying.”

“That’s… a really sad outlook to have,” he said.

“Is it?”

I scooted off the bed and grabbed my pants out of my bag.

“Ask me something,” Tilian suggested.

While I got dressed, I racked my brain. It occurred to me that I could probably ask him things whenever I wanted and he’d tell me the truth. Still, I liked our little game.

Once my pants were buttoned, I set my knee on the bed beside him. He looked up at me in a way that convinced me he’d do anything I said, despite his resistance earlier.

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