Page 144 of Defend Me

“Hey. How are you?” I asked a little awkwardly.

He chuckled. “I’m fine. Shocked you called me, honestly.”

“Yeah, I need to talk to you.”

“Did you kill someone?”

“Course not. Someone was looking for you at the apartment.”

“What?” I heard his car door shut and it got quiet. “Who was it and what’d you say?”

“It was a woman. Holly. She wants you to call her, I guess. Are you in the business of leaving women on ‘read?’” I teased. Or, at least, I hoped it sounded teasing.

“No, it’s nothing like that.” Everything had fled from his voice except his business-like control. “She’s just a colleague. Barely know her. Did she say anything else?”

“Just that you should go to her office tomorrow.”

“Oh. Yeah, cool. I’ll call her. Thanks.”

“You have her number?”

“Yup. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

I wanted to call out his lies, but I refrained. “Okay.”

Once the line disconnected, I flipped the paper over. The ten digits scrawled there made too many questions surface in my mind, ones that I knew he wouldn’t answer.

My mind went back to the day in my dorm when he was distraught. I tried to recall exactly what he’d said. Something about it was gnawing at me.

“I tried not to do something because of you. I tried… But it doesn’t matter.”

What had he said after that?

“I didn’t want to. I’m sorry.”

When I asked what he was talking about, he said a name that I hadn’t caught at the time. I couldn’t even tell for sure if it was related, but with her name in my mind, I could’ve sworn that it matched what I’d heard that night.

Holly.

Chapter 40

Tilian

Sometimes, I just needed to blast music at an ungodly volume. Not out loud, obviously. That would draw attention. With it blaring through my earbuds, I’d probably fuck up my hearing. Did I give a shit? Nah.

It helped that I was stoned out of my mind, far beyond my usual level. That hadn’t helped me when I freaked out about that Holly bitch, but I didn’t want to think about that right now. It was my own fault for jumping to conclusions. I had no idea what the situation was, so I was just going to ignore the world until Brooks got back. Maybe even then because bringing it up sounded nausea-inducing and not bringing it up sounded nausea-inducing. Nausea all around.

Did I say I was stoned? Not enough for my liking, which was why dabs existed.

When I reached the right level of existence, I dropped onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. I focused on the music and closed my eyes to follow the lyrics. Something about it raging in my ears helped me relax.

Hopefully, I’d fall asleep if I stayed like this for long enough.

Tapping my fingers along to the song, I started mouthing it quietly. Song after song, I continued. It was sort of funny how I couldn’t remember what I ate yesterday, but I knew the lyrics to a thousand songs.

Suddenly, I was flipped onto my stomach by a strong grip. There was pressure on my wrists, then they were thrust above me. Weight on my back kept me firmly in place, igniting uncontrollable panic.

Taking my jaw, the person- who I assumed and really hoped was Brooks- turned my head enough to kiss me. Since he was still holding my arms above me with one hand, I could hardly do anything to fight him. Apparently, I wasn’t safe in my musical hibernation.

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