Page 147 of Defend Me

I opened the door and peered inside. He was in the bed, covered by a blanket. I’d never dealt with anything like this and I had no idea how to approach it.

Without a word, I took off my shoes and shirt. Skin to skin contact was soothing for babies, but it also worked for adults. Something about releasing hormones and a bunch of other stuff that was outside of my intelligence level.

I dropped to my knees on the bed, then tugged on the covers. When I got them down, I immediately straddled his hips and pushed his shirt up. He looked at me like I was crazy, but he pulled it off, so I laid on top of him with my head against his neck. His arms came around me as he took a long breath.

“I’m sorry.” He smoothed his hands down my back before moving one into my hair. “I can’t stand your pain, baby. I’m sorry I caused it.”

“I know. You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready.”

When his body shook a little, I wanted to look up, but I didn’t want him to shut down.

“Are you empty right now?” I asked.

He nodded.

“That’s why I’m here. You have to let me in, though.”

“No.”

I huffed, even though I didn’t want to be frustrated with him.

“I don’t know what to do, Brooks.”

“Nothing. It’s not your problem to handle.”

“Just stop,” I demanded a little too firmly.

“You’re gonna leave if I tell you.”

“I’m here, baby. I know you’re not perfect and that’s completely okay. I don’t want you to be perfect, otherwise you wouldn’t be human, and it doesn’t make you a failure.”

“I slept with someone,” he blurted, then held me tighter, almost too much for me to breathe.

“Recently?”

“Before this.”

That was a small relief, at least.

“You’ve slept with a lot of people,” I noted, trying to push back the nausea from the fears that had surfaced.

“This was different. It was business and I hated it.”

“Business… Did someone manipulate you? Or hurt you?”

“I’m not fucking traumatized by it,” Brooks snapped.

I kissed his neck softly. “It’s okay. Whatever you’re feeling is okay. I can’t tell you if this is correct, but I think that trying to convince yourself you’re fine doesn’t give you the chance to heal.”

“There’s nothing to heal from.”

Closing my eyes, I continued to move my lips across his skin. I was struggling to keep my own emotions in check, but I had to for his sake.

“Brooks… You looked sick when you smelled her perfume. All of this is making you afraid. That’s not nothing.”

“I don’t like who I am.” His voice cracked and I pulled back, seeing tears in his eyes. “I don’t want to do this.”

“Don’t want to do what?”

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