Page 157 of Defend Me

Tilian looked at me with an expression that screamed ‘the audacity!’

“A bottom?” he filled in for him. Dean just looked at the floor.

“Not all twinks are strictly bottoms,” I pointed out. “And Tilian is lightly vers. He just has a preference, especially with someone who makes him want to call them God.”

He chuckled. “I’d fuck Brooks.”

“And I’d let you, baby.”

“Ok, well…” Dean trailed off. “You’re, like, small.”

“One, I am five fucking eleven. Two, you can be a tall-ish twink. I’m not small, I’m just not dramatically beefed up like you. Body hair is also a factor. And again, there’s no one size fits all. Seriously, where are you getting your information from?”

Dean turned to me with pleading eyes. Tilian’s rant was more than amusing and Dean could obviously do with some educating lest he start going around calling guys twinks or bears on campus.

I shrugged. “Don’t look at me. I don’t categorize people. Seems pointless to me.”

“Yeah, but you’re pan,” Dean pointed out. “Aren’t you open all around?”

“Sexuality, sex, gender, all of that isn’t a factor for me. A lot of people label things, so maybe Tilian should make you a slideshow. I can just imagine Kai knocking you out if you said that to Sen because he’s a bottom andsmallerthan his boyfriend.”

“No slideshow,” Tilian said. “Just treat people like they’re people. Not like a body type.”

“Okay,” Dean said, holding up his hands in surrender. “Obviously, ignorance is my fatal flaw. Sorry, Tilian.”

“Chill. I’m not offended. I mostly wanted to see you freak out.”

Dean tossed a handful of popcorn at him, which earned him a hot tamale to the eye.

Well, at least they could entertain themselves for a few. Maybe Tilian would tell him about otters.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” I announced as I slid the glass door open.

“That’s a door?” Dean shouted.

His shocked expression while I stepped onto the balcony was hilarious. Did he think I’d airlifted a table up here? One that I couldn’t use, at that.

I dropped into one of the plush chairs in the corner and put in my earbuds. With careful breaths, I tried to keep my heartbeat steady while the phone rang. I was more nervous because my boyfriend was right inside and if things went to shit, I’d have to work extra hard to keep him from noticing.

I wasn’t supposed to hide from him. I kept reminding myself of that, but I wasn’t going to share everything. This situation with my mom might not be fixable and I didn’t need him to coax me through it.

The fact of the matter was that no matter how much I chose to put my foot down now, I’d eventually rejoin the land of the soulless living. And I was okay with that. All I wanted was some space to breathe until then and to build this relationship. If I wanted it to last long into the future, I had to do this and more.

“Brooks,” she answered. “God, it’s been ages.”

“Nah, we’d both be long dead and disintegrated by that point.”

“I’m not in the mood for your attitude right now. What has been going on with you?”

“Nothing much. Just focusing on school.”

“Mhm. You’ve never ignored us like this. We’ve been worried sick about you.”

I brought my feet up on the chair while I stared out at the water. Ever since the day at the lake, I’d been keeping in touch with my dad over text. It seemed weird that she didn’t know that.

“Look,” I sighed. “I’ve needed some space.”

“Space,” she repeated. “You have all the space in the world. A whole city across the country.”

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