Page 162 of Defend Me

I shuddered. “I guess you’re out of luck, then.”

“You’ve talked to me on the phonetwice.”

“And if you try for a third time, I’m breaking up with you. It’s literally abuse.”

“Mhm. Let’s get home so that I can abuse that ass. I bet my naked body looks damn sexy with this tattoo.”

“Drive fast.”

Chapter 44

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

Brooks

Making my own way- hopefully

Step three in my clever plan to figure my shit out was the follow-up to my conversation with Holly. I wasn’t nervous about it per se, but I also wasn’t as confident as I’d like to be. In a couple days, though, we’d be out of school and the city for a week.

Professor Cook was younger than I’d expected. It was impressive that he taught at Harmon’s law school. Then again, his dad was a major player in the city. The head of the department, AKA Holly, probably jumped at the opportunity to employ him, if only to further grow her network.

From our conversation so far, the professor, who insisted that I call him Stephen, seemed like a good guy. I had a cynical point of view, but I knew that the vast majority of attorneys weren’t fucked up. If my intuition was correct, he was a good one. There was that whole thing about wolves in sheep’s clothing, but I was pretty confident about him.

“I have to say,” Stephen drawled, “you’re quite impressive, Brooks. When you’re ready for law school, I think I’ll be lucky to have you in my class.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that.”

“Tell me more about you. What makes you stand out?”

After thinking about it for a minute, I leaned my forearms on his desk. “I’ve put in a lot of work over the years to prepare myself. I have the grades, the recommendations, and the drive. I’ve recently learned that it’s important to have more than that, though. The relationships I’ve been building in my personal life have opened my eyes and made me see things from different perspectives than those I grew up with. One might think that being raised by my parents makes me a prime candidate for a program as esteemed as this one, but I think that’s short-sighted.”

“How do you mean?”

“One day, I want to be not only a skilled attorney, but a just one. I’ve seen firsthand how those things don’t always accompany each other. I’m sure you have as well.”

He nodded his agreement, which encouraged me to keep going down this road.

“To be honest, professor, I’ve found myself conflicted since leaving home. I can’t say with one hundred percent certainty where I’ll be when I start law school, let alone when I finish. All I know is that I want to do better.”

“Better than who? Your parents?”

“Maybe. More importantly, I want to do better than myself. You see, I don’t think there have been enough past versions of me. I’ve been static, always going with the status quo because it’s expected of me. What I want from my future is this: I want to do better for myself and for others, not just the people I love, but also the people I’ll serve. Will I represent clients who are guilty of the allegations posed against them? It’s inevitable. That doesn’t mean I can’t be a good person.

“I want to look back and see a million past versions of myself and if all those versions were set up on a graph that shows how I’ve improved, I’d know that I’ve been successful if I see that line rising. It may not be monotonic, but as long as I’m trending upward, that’s okay with me.”

Stephen stared at me wordlessly. I forced myself to remain still, but I didn’t let that professional mask slip into place. I had a feeling that he valued authenticity. He was perspicacious enough to see things for what they were and I hoped he’d be able to tell that I was being genuine.

At the same time, he might see what was underneath- my innate desire to learn his weaknesses and target them; the urge to appeal to his ego; my willingness to throw my morals away if required.

Those things weren’t as solidly rooted as they once were, but they were still there. They were automatic. Not doing them took conscious effort.

I’d never be good, but if I was going to wear a mask, I wanted it to be one of integrity.

Stephen folded his hands on the surface of the desk. “You’re intriguing, Brooks.”

“Generally, I’d take that as a compliment, but in your case, I’m not positive that it is.”

He offered me a small smile. “It is and it isn’t. My dad is a good man, you know. He has strong morals, even if he is cutthroat. He’s a great contact for you to have, just as Ms. Whitlock told you.”

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